Thank You

There’s so much I can be thankful for. So much so, it’s even difficult to start. I don’t know where one point starts and another follows. The blessings just seem to keep coming in waves.

The bonus given earlier this month was sufficient to cover the cost of Christmas presents for loved ones and close friends. And my mindless spur-of-the-moment/lapses in sanity at one-too-many Esprit boutiques and yes, yet another pair of Birkies. Sigh. Can you begin to smell my burnt pockets?

Someone gave me a W910i. (Thanks again) Drools.

Wipes spit. Drools again.

With the large LCD, clear cam, motion sensor, sleek lines and large memory capacity, I think it’s the coolest thing on earth! Are you jealous already?!

Aside from my PSP slim, that is. Drools again.

And time with F4 + 2 is simply wonderful. We spent Christmas at Ana’s. The little woman cooked up such a storm and what was supposed to be a little, intimate get-together ended up being a giggling cum scream fest/sleepover. No one intended to stay over, but lo and behold, Snoopy ended up falling in love with her place and the rest of us were just too tired to move from the festive stuffing.

Sweet Ana also bought all of us Hush Puppy boxers! She wanted everyone to have a gift! Awww…. We went to fetch Mokie and Leni from work as they were on Night Duty. They were so happy to have bodyguards to walk them to Ana’s place. And we had such a blast at Ana’s. Mokie also gave us handwritten, personalized cards stating her feelings for each of us. That emo woman. Her note nearly brought tears to my eyes. Nearly.

Smiles.

Ana’s so small. She looks like a midget on her bed. So funny! And imagine 5 grown ups on 2 super singles. And we still had space.

Must be my mo hui shen cai! Kristabel, no need to be jealous.

Waka waka

Sadly, Leni will be leaving us to further her education in NYP later this week. Her advanced diploma in med-surg nursing is scheduled to commence in Jan. We’re rooting for her, even though we’re fending off the dreaded watery-eye syndrome.

Mokie’s turning 21 this 30th! She wants to celebrate her birthday in Yangtze cinema, and experience the infamous seats with the power of artificial impregnation. I swear she will be going without me.

I must keep my womb dormant.

And I still have one last round of presents to gather for the group. Our weekly gift exchanges were very successful. In the end, we each received great gifts filled with love! Leni got her cardholder. Kristabel got her Havaianas. Mokie got in-ear earphones. Ana got designer headphones. Snoopy will get her watch soon. And I, I got an esprit tunic! One session was particularly fulfilling because we unanimously decided to donate the proceeds to charity.

The girls have such heart.

Smiles.

I went to clean my Dad’s grave. Ross and Rick prayed for Dad too. Rick even stayed behind to have a little private ‘chat’. My brother amazingly found a striped rock resembling a heart shape, nestled in the sea of stones.

I’d like to think that Daddy’s sending us his love.

Smiles.

When I’m feeling down, I just have to remember to look around. I have so much to be thankful for.

My family.
My friends.
Tam-So-Leong-Low.

My loves.

Thank you for making 2007 so special. Thank you.

There are days where I just feel an overwhelming loss. An unexplained, ill defined sense of despair that clouds the senses and throbs deep, making even a single breath draw blood.

Breathe.

Remembering all that has come to past. Where should I look except towards the future?

If that’s the case, why do I find myself doing a 3-60?

Breathe.

Too many have left me.

Suddenly. Alone. Struggling.

What more can I do?

Unable to make sense in all the senselessness.

How much more can I take?

How much more can bear?

Why do I immerse myself in the endless torment?

Tell me what I can actually look forward to.












Breathe.




Just breathe.




Breathe.








Stop giving me the courage to carry on when I so badly want to let go.

Bleed.

EYE ON YOU

I bet half of Asia tuned in to watch the first ever ASIAN IDOL over the weekend. Likewise, I succumbed to peer pressure and plastered my big butt to the couch. Ensured with a good view, I kept my pupils fixed and dilated to the telly.

However, my ears wanted to fold unto itself on several occasions.

Singapore sent in Hady Mirza. The second winner in the Singapore Idol series. What ever happened to his predecessor, Mr I-can’t-remember-his-name/malay guy?!

Hady won though; much to his own surprise and the dismay of millions all over Asia. Truthfully, I thought Jaclyn Victor (Malaysian Idol) had the most powerful voice of the lot. Her soulful rendition of "Gemilang" left me frantically running to Ross for an impromtu translation. She hit all the right notes and belted the song which just magnified the difference in league she was compared to the other performers, but her performance was overflowing with ego-maniacal narcissism, which ultimately swung the votes in favor of the others.

Perhaps a little restraint and humility would have sent the title to her instead.

Mau (Philippine Idol) and Mike (Indonesian Idol) also gave pretty good performances. Their voices were smooth but somewhat lacking in vocal prowess compared to Jaclyn.

As for the others, well, lets just say… those are the types of voices that one can hear in any open-air karaoke lounge or community centre. Passably forgettable.

******************************

F4 + 2’s scheduled for another bash tomorrow. In fact, we have 2 outings planned. Oh! I can’t wait! Mokie’s finally back from her rendezvous in Bangkok. I’ll have to screen her for HIV..!! No lah, that pseudo chaste virgin only rapes men with her eyes (I hope!).

By the way, it's BONUS time for us all. Just in time for all the tempting year end sales and a great excuse to change my oh-so-lagging handphone.

Me to Moto : It's time for us to part babeh. You've served me well these 2 and a half years. It's time for me to move on...

BADGE OF HONOR

Today has been particularly fulfilling.

Scheduled a long 8am-4pm shift, I got the opportunity to wake up a little later to go to work. A whole 30mins later. It was raining as usual, a fine mist of water that almost didn’t pass off as rain. I reached DDB at 7.35am to attend the BCLS (Basic Cardio-pulmonary Life Support) course.

I was fortunate enough to get to forge some new friendships in the process. We slogged through the course together. Battling the evil mannequins and sick torturous obstacles JCI standards brought. Even the instructors were kind and cheerful, save for one.

In the end, my printout had a grand total of 4 mistakes (allowance was 30) for the entire cycle. And the moody woman said my printout was ‘beautiful’.

Heeheehee

I went for lunch at ISS with my new friends, merrily gorging down my yong tau foo, beside the team of ang moh podiatrists consolidated in a single table beside us. I tried my best to eavesdrop, alas to no avail. Their Aussie accent was so thick, just like Kristabel's skin.

I wobbled back to the ward with spasm brewing in my patellae and aching palms. Lao Lao was in a euphoric mood though. I presume Steven (her alleged lover) had been generous the night before.

Smile-o-meter rating : Gums and Teeth

She asked if I passed. I replied, ‘Of course!” and she just stood there giggling, urging me to hand over my cert so she could file a copy in her room of doom.

The ward was abuzz with activity. Leni hung up the Christmas decorations during her night shift and Indra pasted all the colorful paper cutouts in Angelica’s room. Angelica looked wide eyed with glee and asked me what festival we were embracing.

It’s been a long time since I saw the merriment aflame in those eyes.

Even Destiny Tam made a long overdue debut back tothe ward. But that man, haiyoh, only has eyes for Kristabel.

After shift, I got dragged to keep my promise to Kristabel. We scooted off to HSA to donate blood.

My virginal blood donation.

My initial apprehension melted into trust as the competent nurses worked their magic fingers on my veins (which incidentally were deemed small). Lucky for me, I only had to endure a single prick; as the lignocaine lived up to its hype, successfully numbing the pain of the insertion of the large bore needle.

And turning my head to watch Kristabel go through the same procedure; inspired me to continue. In the end, my 450ml bag filled up in less then 5 minutes. After which, we exchanged the coupons for snacks. I liked the soft, sweet cake and kau kau (thick) milo! The nurses loaded us with freebies and we got to choose the color of the bandage which I proudly wore like a badge of honor.

Next, we went back to have dinner with Mokie at Kopitam.

And so that ends my wonderful day

**********************************

They say some people inspire, while others amaze
And if you look closely enough, some people are capable of both
They make me do the things

I normally have no courage to do

Destiny Revealed

Paths often cross uninitiated. It’s ironic that you never see the people you long to meet. You can live in the same area, school in the same district or work in the same building, but the percentage of a chance meeting is far and few in between.

In actuality, Destiny comes disguised.

It’s the people that love you, and you them - that’s Destiny.

It’s in the faces of those you love. In the smiles of those you care. Nestled between the words of which one converses with.

Every single minute of your life.

Because it’s the people that matter who make an active effort to meet up and make contact despite opposing schedules.

They make Destiny happen.

I love Rick for the happiness he plasters on his face, regardless of my temper and expectations. And I’m thankful for having Sharon Lee, Ross, and my Brother (even though his mouth’s so vulgar makes over filled, under cleansed dustbins blush).

F4, for their never ending support, attention and care. They make me want to run to work, and stay back without complaint.

And to God, without which, all this would never be possible.

I believe God surrounds me with extraordinary people.

Kristabel Chong Pik Wen states it beautifully,
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says ‘I’ll try again tomorrow”.

Mok Zi Hui posted Avalon’s “You’re Everything To Me”.

I purposely posted their full names so if you Google them online, you’ll be directed here. Perhaps giving you the opportunity to learn a thing or two, from the people who have shared so unselfishly with me.

FEAR FACTOR [CONQURED]

F4 + 2 had been planning for weeks this outing for several weeks. Our Clarke Quay expedition, complete with extreme fear factor style REVERSE BUNGEE..!!

It was speckled with hiccups from the beginning. It was Kristabel’s sleeping day (post Night Duty), Analiza was scheduled for Morning Shift. Not to mention Gary’s last minute back out. He says he just registered for some specialist diploma in clinical research management thingee. Aiyah, no balls is no balls lor. Wahahaha...

But, yes, we forged on!

When we arrived at GMax, it was an oppressive sight to behold. There was no capsule. Just some steel bars, some harnesses and seats, resembling somebody’s bare ribcage. I felt my heart start to race. But Mokie remained quite adamant to try out the ride, despite the ridiculously high price of $40/trip.

Hiccup again.

But I made up my mind to heck the world and go for it. It’ll be worth the experience, I brainwashed myself.

Then the guy tells us the 4 of us can’t go together. It’s only a 3 seater. A golden opportunity for Leni to voice backing out.

Another hiccup.

Our eyes slanted and we rushed to pay for 4 tickets. Making sure Leni had NO chance to withdraw. It was settled that it would be a 2 on 2 thing. Me and Mokie. Leni and Snoopy.

I asked Mokie if we could go first, because I was certain that it would be better to get it over with FAST, as it would be pure sadistic torture to watch the feat THEN suffer the same fate.

So off we flew..!!

It was the most horrifyingly disgusting, adrenalin pumping 3 minutes I could imagine. They tilted the contraption at a 45 degree angle and instructed to keep our eyes open and enjoy the ride.

For 40 blardy dollars, you can be sure I kept my eyelids open!

We were blasted into the air. I swear it was the velocity of the that wind kept my lids forcefully open. All I could see was the never ending sky, then suddenly the whole thing-a-ma-jig flipped, making my limp limbs fly up merrily in the air, playing justice to the miracle of hinge joints all over the world.

The next thing I knew, I was racing to the ground at blood chilling speed. Kristabel, Leni, and Snoopy’s silhouette were growing bigger and bigger. I thought, this must be what’s it like to jump of a building.

This sick, perverse act repeated itself a few times. Each time leaving me screaming like a banshee, a testament to how top notch my lungs still are. But, it also boosted my confidence in the skeletal contraption, no matter how thin and weathered the harness was.

Though I didn’t dare to even turn my head, afraid that I would snap my neck. I concentrated on the fact that I was flying.

Even if it was like a cheap rag doll strapped in a chair, being thrown in a washing machine.

Mokie was quiet for the first half of the trip. It left me in awe, thinking, wah, she so steady man! Not scared ah! So power sey! I cannot lau kui also!

Then I heard her screaming.

Then pleading for it to stop.

Then praying.

That woman is so amazing. My mind was totally in shock. I couldn’t even think straight. Words could not escape my lips, let alone whole sentences. My only instinct was to scream. And loudly.

When the speed subsided, I tried to console her and reached out to touch her arm.

DON’T TOUCH ME, she snapped.

I could not help but laugh.

Luckily for us, that was the end of the ride. Phew.

We bounced down the thing-a-ma-jig like people given a new lease of life. The best thing about it was watching Leni and Snoopy go through the whole sadistic experience..!! I cachinnated from start to finish. There is such joy watching others go through the same torment.

Waka Waka

After which, we went to Central Mall for Chinese food. Then sent Kristabel off to Bedok to meet up with mum en route to Expo for a supposed Food Fair. Alas, the food fair is in future tense. So we ended up at Malan La Mien, slurping up delicious Xiao Long Tang Baos, Beef Brisket Noodles, Prawn Noodles, Fried Tofu and Mango Prawn Fritters, washed down with good ol’chinese tea!

And to top it off, the meal was kindly sponsored by Analiza!
Woohoo!! Thank you little woman!!

After that, Analiza and Leni insisted we go for drinks at Chinatown, as it would be closer to home. We psychoed Kristabel to come down from Bedok after sending her mum back.

F4 + 2 was thus complete again.

As usual, I have to say this. I LOVE F4 + 2!!!

*************************

For all you kaypohs, here's our video of the ordeal :


Online Videos by Veoh.com

TOUGH LUCK

The past few shifts have been really draining. It’s really hard to keep up the level of energy people are acustomed to, when I feel I’m shouldering the double load of being the in-charge and a junior. I’ve been made to work the same shift with people that are frequently on MC, thus making Lao Lao/Ah Clow juggle the manpower base and I always end up working with ultra lazy people that I would rather do without.

I have to turn patients, change diapers, sit them out for meals, answer call bells, 2hrly oropharyngeal suctioning, NG feeds, dressings and do their walking exercises ALONE. On top of writing my reports, serving meds, giving my IVs, SCs and entertaining queries.

Haiz. The torture. Lord, please grant me 6 arms like an octopus.

I’d rather slog to death alone then slog to death pek chek (frustrated), witnessing the rest of them just sitting in the counter merrily chatting amongst themselves. I think I’m as tolerant as tolerant can be, to pregnant staff. I ban them from entering the rooms with airborne diseases. I also ban them from lifting heavy patients in case they stress themselves and suffer a spontaneous abortion. But initiative is not cultivated in pregnant bellies. Laziness is. To the point that the only thing they can do is counter nursing.

And the non pregnant clan whom I’m on with, is serving the army. Always MIA (missing in action), called away to some imaginary war. Incidentally the war zone is always in the tearoom. And as you may have guessed, the opponent is called HARD WORK.

People need to recognize teamwork is essential in every aspect of life.

Ross says not being able to delegate is my Achilles’ heel. I can’t bring myself to order pregnant women to work when they have histories of miscarriages and other rubbish. And why bother to ask, when initiative is never taken into consideration. I reckon it’ll just breed contempt.

I WANT MY PRECEPTOR BACK.

She rocks my world at the ward. She supports me well and instructs the rest to do their work. As for me, I tend to allow them to get away with murder.

I hope this week flies. Herald in the 14th!

Fortunately I have F4. Our breaks. Makan sessions. Our TO-SO-LEONG-TAM antics. I love us lah. Without them, I think I’d go mad. We’re also aiming for zero MCs this year!

CHEONG ah..!!

Room 37 persists in offering me food. She’ll shout at me from her room, beckoning me to hurry with Tupperware or is in the midst of dividing out whatever her daughter has brought. She speaks to most in a manner that will make anyone doubt her level of hearing is not impaired, but I guess that’s the way she is. She’s just loud.

Ah Mui ah.. Wa kio ler ah ni gu liao leh.. ler mai lai ah?!!
(Direct translation : I’ve been calling you for so long, you don’t want to come?!)

Nowadays, she’ll laugh. The type of hearty laughter that starts bubbling in the abdomen and releases into a hysterical guffaw. I have to take the food she throws at me, but I don’t eat them. Hahaha.. instead, I feed Room 39. She goobles it up, as usual, without a thank you or recognition.

Karma is a revelation I live in hope for.

Granny Lee passed away this morning.

She led a good life, leaving behind a bounty of people who loved her dearly. In her youth, Granny Lee fought hard to raise 4 children with her 2 hands after separating from her husband. She tried every respectable job available, just to feed hungry mouths not only belonging to her own family, but also those anyone who came to her in need.

Such benevolence beyond comprehension.

She taught her children the importance of education and family ties; thus ensuring them an independent life upon maturity. And in turn, they grew to have a deep respect for her.

She taught me the meaning of forgiveness; alongside the art of letting go.

And gave me such a wonderful gift in the form of Sharon.

I pray wherever she may be, she will be happy.

Memories that continue beyond tomorrow.

On a lighter note, I think the masses need and/or want to be updated on the Gary Saga.

On Friday, F4 minus 1, decided to meet up for lunch since Kristabel and I had to attend the symposium and Mokie was on the afternoon shift. We went to visit Lao Lao in her ‘prison’ and ended up chatting away quite merrily with her, wishing her a speedy recovery and helping to clear the fruits in her cell. She insisted we watch the infotainment channel on Fall Precaution and other crap.

Goodness.

I took the initiative to invite Gary to join us for lunch. At first, he gave a vague reply, ‘I’ll try to join if I’m not busy’. But yes, Cheryl is fond of having her own way. I told him to MAKE time.

End of story.

But Lao Lao’s visit went into overdrive and we ended up turning up late for the luncheon.

You should have seen Gary’s face when he saw us. He was seriously quite shocked. He was never informed that I would be bringing so many people along. Even Kristabel and Mokie also had to thank their good genes for keeping their eyeballs firmly in their sockets.

It amused me to no end. But hey, that man should thank his lucky stars. He got to lunch in with so many women. But we learnt that Gary is scary! He knows so many things happening in the hospital. And so many people came by to wave to him. Yikes..!

Kristabel got the prized seat in front of Gary, while Mokie got the next best seat in the house of being adjacent. I got the seat next to him. The safest! No need for awkward stares. Mokie acted virginal and just had drinks.

She thinks we’re at a bar.

Kristabel and Gary had some conversation going. A light banter I presume. Then she suddenly pulled a good one on me.

Kristabel : Hey! Derek L! (Points behind me)

Needless to say, I fell for the oldest trick in the book. I turned but no Derek. I returned her the favor though.

I pointed to an Ah Pek and said it was Brian S, just 25yrs older; complete with side comb barcode hair. We giggled like schoolgirls on laughing gas.

Poor Gary sat there, tormented by the childishness of it all.

Today, we met up to go break again. And to think, Destiny would strike again. On our way to the canteen, we bumped into Gary at Block 4. Mr Tam looked sooooooo happy! He only spoke to Kristabel.

I’ve got my eye on you!

If you think the world is small, then let me tell you, the hospital is much smaller.

I met Gary again when he went back to the ward. Him, with his usual cocky swagger. We exchanged greetings in the aisle a couple of times. He even said hello to Maggie. Hur hur hur.

Later in the evening, he tapped the glass divider to say goodbye, making me feel like a fish in an aquarium. I waved goodbye as I frantically finished writing my report. I had to arrange for blood. Feed my patients. Do turnings. Not a good time to entertain him. Maggie was impressed with his friendliness, maybe she wants him too. Wahaha...

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Time's racing with gawd knows who or what.

- 24 super long days to the next pay day
- 377A bullshit debate continues
- Helloween's past

- Sharon Lee has left for the US
- Granny Lee remains in hospice
- Little Ryan has been discharged

- Kristabel went & returned from Bangkok
- Gary went & returned from Taiwan
- Leni is still in Philippines

- Been treated to lunch

- Met up with Deeva, Meiz, Emi
- Met up with Mentor for our monthly makan sessions

- I’ve been both complimented and nagged by Lao Lao
- We have a new mini sized Physiotherapist
- DOM (Dirty Old Man) Red Alert in Ward
- I’ve completed the 5Cs program
- Another talk scheduled tomorrow @2pm
- Ward chalet next fri
- My uniform remains shrunken

- Songs continue to get stuck in my head

I’ll be back in the ward tomorrow.

Waka waka.

Pui.

Natasha Bedingfield - Soul Mate

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'Cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soul mate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soul mate for everyone

If there's a soul mate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soul mate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soul mate for everyone
If there's a soul mate for everyone

LIFE LESSONS

Sharon Lee’s granny is dangerously ill. Her days are spent in a hospice, accompanied by on and off visits by the medical team and relatives.

We all understand that these are her last days.

Death comes to us all.

With the fiscal year drawing to a close, it is the busiest time for Sharon’s company and there is tons of work for her to finish. My dear friend has been keeping busy with working the nights online (just to keep in line with the time difference in the US) to rectify drafts, proposals and program glitches; juggling the needs of her work and the responsibility she feels towards her granny.

She shuttles between the hospice and home, taking whatever opportunity to spend a little time to make her granny feel loved. In turn, she manages only about 3-4hrs of sleep, so much so, it’s taking a toll on her own health.

The fragility of life is not selective. Even young children are not spared.

Today, Ross informed me that little 2 year old Ryan has been struck with Kawasaki’s disease.

Kawasaki’s Disease :
First described by Tomisaku Kawasaki in 1967, it is a rare illness that involves the inflammation of the blood vessels, mucus membranes, lymph nodes and the heart.

If treatment is sought in the early stages, the child may be able to make a full recovery. However, 10-15% of the children still manifest complications and can succumb to cardiac arrest or ruptured aneurysms (developed in the acute stages of disease) later on in life.

Signs & Symptoms include :
- Prolonged, persistent fever (at least 5 days) often unresponsive to antibiotics
- Changes in extremities (ie. Erythema, desquamation, edema)
- Bilateral Conjunctivitis
- Cervical Lymphadenopathy (usually unilateral)
- Changes in the oral cavity (ie. Strawberry tongue, bleeding)

I’m begging anybody and everybody reading this to SEND YOUR CHILD TO A PAEDATRICIAN IMMEDIATELY if you notice these signs. A simple GP/family doctor simply will not suffice.

You need to march down to a specialist.

In the conservative Asian culture, death and illness is often dealt in a hush-hush manner. Most of the time, it is considered taboo and avoided at all costs. It definitely isn’t easily to encourage accepting the last days or recognizing disease when the negative connotations have been so deeply entrenched in our Asian values.

In truth, we are all afraid of dying.

I guess there is never a brave front in the aspect of death. Suddenly, faced with our own humanity, the people that surround us become more difficult to pull away from. We start to feel the aches that morph into pain as our bodies shut down. And we may even start to reminisce about days of yonder and the deeds that have come to past.

The past haunts the present.

We fail to acknowledge the fact that the moment we enter this world, we are aware that the counter starts ticking. This life is never permanent.

We will all die someday.

Though some people die more easily then others. More often then not, it is in the end days that we remember our Maker. The premise of eternal life in an alternate location is often perhaps the only thing we can hold onto.

As strange as it sounds, I do not hanker after immortality. This notion of eternal life does not appeal to me. I find my heaven in everyday moments. The time I spend with my family, the time I share with my friends, the love that is abound suffices.

What good is there without trial and tribulation? It has been this life that has allowed me to recognize the goodness within the people in my life. And it is these people that have given me the strength to carry on.

I’m thankful for everything that has happened to make me what I am today. If I’m still young, I’d like to have the courage to battle illness. Should I be elderly, and settled much of my responsibilities, I’d like to have the courage to let go and die with dignity. I cannot imagine myself hooked up to a ventilator. I believe it would be psychologically too painful and financially too stressful for the people that matter most.

Hopefully, I’d be able to complete my tasks and leave no room for regrets. I’d like my last days to be joyous, where people celebrate the life that is having its curtain drawn to closure. It will be a moment where I can say to Him that I’m ready to move onto a different level, where ever and whatever it may be.

I want to donate every organ available for use, to offer others a chance to live. This shell should have some use even in death. It would be great to know that a part of me lives on, no matter what.

In the genes of my children, and past on for generations after. Perhaps they’d even inherit a little of my traits? Or in a stranger so he or she buys some time to live life as I have?

No one dies without leaving a mark. Without a doubt, their memory lives on forever.

This post is dedicated to everyone that I’ve crossed paths with. We may not know it, but each impacts my life in more ways then one. Time can dilute the intensity of the loss, but it will never erase the moments that we’ve shared.

And i'm rooting for Granny Lee and little Ryan.

I see the strength and courage aglow in their faces.

[ My everyday hereos ]

You're Not Alone - SAOSIN

It's just like him

To wander off in the evergreen park

Slowly searching

For any sign of the ones he used to love

He says he's got nothing left to live for

(He says he's got nothing left)

And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone

There's more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

She's just like him

Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies shes been fed

Shes searching for no one

(but herself)

Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy

That she is here

And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone

There is more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

You're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

(There is more to know)

We're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

(So tell me)

You're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

x2

You're not alone

You're not, you're not alone

****************

Some songs just get lodged in your head.

This is one of those songs.

LONG LIVE SAOSIN!!

WARNING SIGNS II

In my previous post, I spoke that people should have warning signs labeled prominently on their foreheads. And if the world revolved as I pleased, perhaps it would have saved my friends a little tears and heartache.

[ Suicidal Precaution ]

Rm 5 committed suicide this morning. Much to the dismay of Mokie.

The poor lass took it quite badly. Engulfed with grief, she chided herself for and allowing him to be discharged. She told him he could stay if he wanted. But Uncle remained adament on being discharged.

She sat there, wiping the tears that could no longer be contained.

It’s seriously not your fault sweetie. You did all you could. You guys highlighted his suicidal thoughts and put him on SC monitoring. You all put your heart into his care. I’m so proud of you guys for being able to feel such emotions. It just proves that you care enough for your patients. Allow yourself to grief. It’s a process that you need to recognize and go through.

F4 will be here for you. You’ll not be alone.

He crossed paths with you for a reason. Don’t let his death be in vain. Learn and remember him. He was a sad man. The care you guys provided offered him enough solace to keep him alive.

“ Can you tell me how he died? No. I’ll tell you how he lived..”

It’s always difficult to go through such things. But such things are a part of reality. Sometimes, we manage to intervene in time. And sometimes, no matter what we do, we can never change the end result.

And when someone has their hearts set on dying, it requires more to correct that.

In our line, we come across many destitutes, neglected by the general public. The economy is booming. An increasing number of people are getting the opportunity for higher education. More people are buying homes. We’re breeding millionaires by the hundreds. We’re even sipping $7/cup coffee.

And yet the world is turning a blind eye to the plight of the people that is left behind. Are monetary handouts sufficient? Where should our real priorities lie?

Perhaps it will be easy to blame the government. Others. Or even ourselves. But blame is useless. It doesn’t have the power to modify the inevitable. Only taking the effort to recognize all these and converting it into action makes a positive change.

Everyone has the power to start. No matter how insignificant it may seem. A little chat, a show of concern, a simple greeting or smile every morning has the power to make miracles happen.

Sometimes, we’re all more capable then we imagine.

On a lighter note, F4 bundled with Leni and Ana had a great time today. It’s good to have a close knit bunch to pour out those pent up feelings.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAT -TWICK...!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

You know how much we love you =)

Warning Signs

People should come with warning labels, stuck prominently onto the forehead.

Then at least the whole world will be justly notified.

The warning should also include a diagram and be color coded, in Braille and even an auditory function, just to cover the entire living population. For tree huggers, an alternative solar powered one will be available.

There should be laws to enforce mandatory display of such warnings. And hefty fines for flouters and those who display the inappropriate signs. Everyone will have a bag of signs to carry around. I bet my fat ass it will make the world a much better place.

With such clear warnings, it would be near impossible for people to misinterpret each other.

It will be the death of mixed signals.

Some examples include :

“I’m so not in the mood” Warning
Obviously suited for those in the mood, this sign will provide a clear and definite signal to people so they can be quick to avoid the owner. It’s a reliable substitute for the retro “Palm in the face” aka “Talk to my hand” Technique.

“I’m lying through my teeth” Warning
Worthy for any unrepentant liar. Availabel in a cheeky "Truth Twister" for the language enhanced and a politically (in)correct version for politicians and G. Bush.

“I honestly love you” Warning
For love struck doves. Also comes with a “Really Really, so psycho in love” attachment and blinking heart add-ons for wannabe stalkers and admirers.

“Born without EQ” Warning
A must for all rude and irritating specimens roaming the earth. Comes complete with a plastic shield in front to block spit, among other rubbish that may be hurled at the owner.

“Caution : Menses” Warning
For all to behold, a requirement by law to invoke adherence just before, during menses or at any time hormonal imbalance may be suspected. Applicable to both male and female. Cause we ALL understand and have experienced men having equal or worse episodes to rival any self respecting woman shedding their womb lining.

“Emo” Warning
A generalized warning for bouts of crying and acute loss of emotional control.

And lastly, an “I’m not interested in you like that” Warning
Eligible for everyone whom has experienced the pain of unrequited love.

PS – the “Love me back or I will die” warning should be banned at all cost, as that constitutes emotional blackmail.

However, it will pay to take note that the abovementioned list is not exhaustive. There will always be a place for "Gold Digger", "Cheap Slut", "Super ACT Cute" etc.

The Apple Of Your Eye

I have my preceptor back =)

But we also have Fats with us on our shift.

Some dirt on Fats :
She always complains about her massive frame. And searches the net (uneventfully), for some miracle slimming pill that will *poof* all her adipose tissue away. I tell you, she's blardy lazy. She never goes to buy her own food. How can one ever expect to lose weight if they don't even want to walk to the source?!

She expects everyone who’s anyone, to buy it for her. Even to the extent of telling you what particular part of the chicken she wants for the chicken rice. What drink she wants you to buy. And to queue up at the teller to help her (the Queen fat ass) top up her damned prepaid card.

I draw the line at buying food. Nothing more. No way in blue hell will I ever help you to top up your freaking prepaid card. She should just get a subscribed line like normal adults.

Today, she shared with us how the ambulance medic flirts with her...! Thus, instigating her to keep her distance away from this married man. My imagination just went into overdrive as she divulged the details of the saucy deeds.

Somehow it just didn’t quite match up. However, she said it with such conviction, I found myself questioning her sanity.

For gawd’s sake woman! (Slaps forehead) Your uniform looks as though it’s tightly stretched over a durian. I can see the cellulite bumps even over the cloth. Not forgetting the spotty skin riddled with eczema. Which man in their right mind will go ga-ga over that?!

Ok, maybe I underestimate you.

Maybe he prefers alternative chubby girls with equally huge egos. Or maybe i just admire your overly inflated self esteem.

Being self delusional can sometimes lead to bliss.

Fats goes on to tell me about her illicit affair with some guy and how she will not break up with her current beau. Haiyoh, the DRAMA.

Have I acquired an Aunt Agony face?!

Good grief.

On a lighter (pun fully intended) note, Angelica danced today! She’s so cute. Leni says she’s contacted my ‘shake leg’ syndrome. Angelica vibrates her lower limbs with such ferocity; I worry about her dislocating her joints.

And yes, the Gary Saga continues.

Engulfed by the blazing heat, I went around serving my afternoon meds. As I was checking and dishing out the meds, Room 38’s relatives decided to have a short conversation with me.

Nobody bothers to read the “do not disturb” warning emblazoned on my vest.

Then I noticed someone or something standing beside me. No prizes for guessing who or what is was. Yup. It was Gary. That lame bastard must have wanted to scare me because I tend to make Gogi jump (it’s a secret skill that Kristabel has inherited).

Karma chameleon.

Too bad. It didn’t work.

He showed off a bag of apples and asked me if I wanted one.

Free? Of course!

Gary : Aiye, you want an apple?
Me : Of course!

Me : You buy apples for what?
Gary : I just wanted to see if they were crunchy.

He proceeds to hand me one.

Me : Aiye, you very kiam siap leh. One only ah?! Like that how to give Kristabel?!

Gary : Ok lah, good things should come in pairs. I give you 2.

This is perhaps the first time we’ve had a conversation at a safe, audible level.

Then I plopped down to Krissy’s side to drag her to break. Fate of all fates! We bumped into Gary. I pointed to her excitedly, asking him to grab the chance to say hi to Kristabel. That man got the idea and waved excitedly, saying, “Hi Kris.”

Our poor girl was dumbfounded and just continued to wash her hands, making Gary shout louder.

HI KRIS!

She looks at me. I look at her. And we both burst out laughing.

Beyond control.

He calls you Kris? Wah.. So close liao lor! Hahahaa.. (claps hands)

PS – Gary, if you ever get the chance to read this, Kris(tabel) ate the apple with such relish. You should have seen her contented smirk.

By the way, the freaking apple was so blardy crunchy, I wondered if I would lose my teeth. Lucky for mankind, my genes are elite (pukes), thus, I was able to win the battle over the apple too.

Unable to sleep the night before, afraid that I might oversleep, I trotted lazily back to the ward this morning. For the first time in a long while, I managed to stride in. Unlike my usual sprint, where my legs are fighting against the sand of time (insert irritating Days of Our Lives theme song) to rush in before they draw the dreaded red line that demarcates being late.

Hur hur hur.

It was good to see Angelica again. She’s been moved to Room 39. I could have sworn her eyes widened when she saw me. Breaking into a smile, she quickly went on to complain about being hungry and how the other nurses have been ‘bullying’ her. Hahahaa.. She still clings on like a marsupial upon transfer.

I had to readjust my bearings to all the new patients. A few were readmitted during my absence. And the rest were new acquaintances I had to familiarize myself to. As usual, Monday mornings are busy. With changes. Transfers. Dressings.

I did three dressings today. A simple PICC and 2 massive ones. 1 of which was the size of a personal pan pizza. "Hey Boss, you want some pizza?" (me to my preceptor) Yes, the damn sacral wound was that huge. It used the vacuum method so I re-learnt something.

Another consisted of 14 separate wounds on 1 patient. Some of which were deep craters, cleverly exposing the tendons and bone beneath. It even came with purulent exudates that were frolicking merrily in the ‘wells’. It took me and my preceptor (simultaneously doing the dressing) 1 ½ hrs to complete.

Shit massive.

I don’t understand how people can allow the wounds to get so bad. If osteomyelitis doesn’t kill you, septicemia will. Given the patient’s current health condition and their underlying co-morbidities, the only thing we can do at this stage is to prolong the chances of the patient actually hitting the jackpot.

Room 22’s very cute. He read my name tag and called me “Sharon”. I corrected him and he just said, “Aiyah, my engerlish not very good.” But I told him the meaning of my name anyway.

And he ended up asking for me most of the morning.
Pressing the call bell just to tell me he peed.

Haiyoh.

Room 38’s family was also very funny. Her son insisted on giving me a packet of curry noodles. He practically stuffed the packet in my arms. So, without much of a choice, I had to accept.

And I only saw him for less then 30 min.

Room 21 had his physiotherapy today. I gave him a shout-out and thumbs up combo. And the feisty old fella mirrored me. Hahaha.

My morning flew by with all the NG feeds, bathing, dressings and whatnots.

My ward mates were happy to see me back. So was I. Sophia cried and jumped in jest to see me back. Indra gave me the eyeball. Phyu Phyu still asked me whether I was going to be transferred. Hahaha. And the sisters each came to me to tell me I was naughty.

What gives?!

I only wished that F4 was complete. Only Kristabel was around in the afternoon. Mokie had IT training. Snoopy was on a well deserved break.

And yes, the Gary saga blazes on.

In the morning, he shouted at me in the hallway again.

Gary : Good morning!
Me : Gooooood morning!
Gary : How are you?!
Me : Good!
Gary : Goood!
Me : Gooooooooood!!!

Aunt Gogi : Wah, Jerry’s your friend ah?

Me : Of course! And he’s GARY, not Jerry lah.
Gogi : Ah.. Hahahahaa.. (sheepishly) Orh… Gary ah.

I even got the opportunity to chat with SN Goh from Research. She said I had lots of energy, and that she enjoyed seeing me interact with the patients. And while we were having our little chit chat, kaypoh Gary decided to come over.

Gary : (To SN Goh) Can you believe she’s (my age)?!
(To me) Aiye.. you really (my age) ah!

Me : Yeah.. why?

Gary : I thought you just passed out wan leh!
Me : Duh. Yeah, I started nursing late mah.

Gary : Your this kind of face (my age) wan ah?!
Me : Then your this kind of face (his age) meh!

Gary : Hah!

Standing beside me, I noticed these :
- He’s tanned.
- He’s got nice shoes. Square toed ones, all black and shiny.
- He’s a neat dresser.
- He’s got beady eyes.
- He’s forever smiling.

Either I look funny or he’s loony. I seriously suspect it's the latter.

He informed me that many people told him he looks younger then he’s age. In turn, I announce that people still ask me for my IC. Ho Ho Ho.

Now beat that Babeh!

TARGET - LOCKED ON

For all those of you that have not been following the recent events in my life. Here’s a brief. Today marks the end of my holidays.

Bleah.

And just before I left the wards, I had lied to my ward mates that I would be transferring out to ward 63. It started out as a joke. A joke that I thought no one would ever believe. But it was made all the more believable when my preceptor joined in.

Why the hell are they so freaking gullible. And of all people, they chose to believe me. Heh. Maybe I can earn big bucks trying to peddle them magic stones? =)

So yeah. They think I’m leaving. Or have already left.

Sophia even cried when she heard the news.
Apparently, she feels we have a ‘connection’. Hmmmmm. Wokay.

As the days passed, the people there decided to get a little nosy and asked Nazeemah about my status. She cleared up the ‘misunderstanding’ STAT (immediately).

I’m going to be so dead cm (come morning).

Us, F4

My AL week! A glorious, whole 9 days of paid leave will soon crash to a sad, tragic end. Like a flower in bloom, alas, such beauty can only be fleeting.

Soon, Monday will overtake, and I will be forced to whisk myself back to the wards to work again. Do I really mind?

Not in the least bit.

Monday will only be a day away from Sharon Lee's return =)

Ross says that I was hibernating like a bear most of the week. Sleeping only at unearthly hours and waking near sunset. I watched DVDs until i felt my cornea sting. A definate hint that it was sufficient for the day.

I tried to limit my outings to the evenings to avoid the ridiculously oven-like weather. But, F4 are daylight folks. So I had to sweat it out for them. Heeheee…

On our first outing, we extended the invitation to the other ward mates. A kind of get-together session to help build bonds between colleagues, in hopes of closer ties that will reduce the back biting and bitching among ourselves. We decided to eat at Sakae Sushi, Marina Square. And yes, as usual, I ate as though I was possessed. We also headed down to the Esplanade to catch up on the latest gossips.

We also queued (10 min) for donuts at Donut Factory. It was my virgin try. On the whole, the donuts were nice, but i seriously would not queue 1-2hrs just for that. When I brought the donuts back home, my brother snapped it up like a ravenous crocodile. 1-2-and its gone! He loved them.

For the 2nd session, it was a private session, exclusive to only the F4 members. So we went to Chinatown because it would be most convenient for Snoopy. So while waiting for her to get off work, F4 minus 1, roamed Chinatown. Whiling our time away by hunting for… yes.. you’ve guessed right!

FOOD!

We had really good mango and pomelo dessert at the shop opposite Mac. At $3.50 a pop, it’s quite exp. But.. yes, it was worth it. Mokie had the peanut dessert. That was good too. Overall, with the air-con and great snacks, they can be sure I’ll return!

When Snoopy arrived, we went to Smith St for more makan. This time round, we loaded ourselves with char kuay teow, BBQ stingray, sambal kang kong, Da Dong’s famous har gao and Ah Balling!!!

Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmo..!!

After that potentially gastric rupturing meal, we went to escape the heat in a nearby Mac. We laughed so loud it made the people there evil eyeball us. Hehheheheee…

Yes. I think know I love us, F4.

They make me want to run back to work =)

I love us =)

Hurry Home Babe

Sharon Lee’s coming back on the 8th. Incidentally, that’s the same day I have to start work. I’ve already started the countdown. I’m rubbing my hands in anticipation to all the presents she’ll return with.

Our relationship’s a bizarre concoction of chemistry and personality traits.

You’ll be surprised to know how sturdy a friendship we’ve built over time. Thus far, our friendship has spanned a strong 14 years. And what those years have brought! Eroding barriers between us, making it possible to exchange sincere views with tart frankness.

I remember her being at every milestone in my life.

We have our fair share of conflicts. At times, I think she’s blardy rude. Sometimes, she’s childish. Sometimes, she’s open and all wise (like Yoda). And sometimes, the tables are reversed. Still, she’s there as an anchor for all my drama, gently pulling (or yanking) me back to reality when the need arises.

For some people, they may never get the opportunity to find such a friend.

Unfortunately, this time round, her visit is related to more somber news. Her granny is sick. So her return was planned at the last minute. She’s not returning with Barji. He’s out stationed in Serbia for 3 weeks, then off to Pittsburg again; translating into the lovers being separated for quite some time. I do hope he gets time some time off after she goes back to Texas.

I want to see her happy.

It’s a nice consolation for my absence.

Charity Case

The President’s Star Charity was broadcast a few days ago on the local network. In it, many local celebrities sang and danced to help raise funds for the less fortunate. Decked out in such splendor, it was easy to overlook the reason for holding the show in the first place.

Until they slot in numerous sob stories between each segment. Each shot was artfully done. Focusing on the tears, turmoil and anguish of each case, all in hopes of milking cash cows nationwide.

You cry lah, I’ll zoom in….

At the end of the show, major sponsors presented their mountains of donations to the President. Each taking the opportunity to shake the President’s hand in front of rolling cameras. An undisputed honor, for all to behold.

The nett result is hypocrisy at its finest.

They shake the hands of those that can afford to give millions, neatly forgetting that the amount is just a tiny speck in their vast fortunes. Incidentally, all donations are tax deductible now aren’t they? We clap and cheer when we see the cash roll in. Yet we forget that money will be filtered off to pay fund raising companies, advertisements and whatever.

And after all the glitz and stardust has settled, we all go about our daily tasks, cleverly omitting the fact that the suffering continues for the less fortunate. That is, until the next show comes along.

Which star lives in modesty to really help the sick?
Which philanthropist gave up his fortune to the suffering?
Which caller opened his home to those in need?

I’m not here to say that these should cease. I understand these companies and donors create jobs for a multitude under their charge. Perhaps, in this day and age, we need to be reminded to help others. And better still if there is the option of wining a condo or car in the final lucky draw.

But please don’t stop donating. You should. Really.

All I know is there should be a better way.

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY

I hope everyone can take the chance to relish the moments that those gap toothed, sweaty, perpetually dirt ridden, wise cracking monsters bless us all with.

And if you have limited contact with children, you ought to change that.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS

So starts my long sabbatical from the wards. It’ll be another good, lengthy 9 days before I step back into the confines of Kusu Island. Till then, I will try my best to stop worrying about the people I have left behind.

On Friday, I received a letter from the family of a former patient. In it, they expressed their thanks towards me (and the ward), for what we had done to make their father’s end days a little easier. Simple words carry such emotion. They also informed that he had passed away on the 16th Sept.

Reading the letter evoked an unbearable pain.

I knew it would come to this. Death comes to us all. Nonetheless, it is difficult to learn that my patients succumb to the same fate.

I can only hope he moved on as painlessly as possible.

It’s funny how close people can become. And stranger still, how their lives can be entwined so complexly with my own.

I wonder if he remembers me.Or when will my own time be.

As the memories flicker through, I’d like to share with you his favorite verse.

*****************************

The Lord is my Shepard.

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yes, though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

For thou art with me.

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou has prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Thou has anointed my head with oil, and my cup runs over.

Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever.

Psalms 23

I can only hope everyone he loved was by his side when he said goodbye.

I’ll break today’s entry into 3 parts.

Part A -
Today, I had a patient that had a petite mal seizure. While walking him back to bed, he suddenly became unresponsive and his eyeballs started to roll upwards. I managed to lift the heavy dude back to bed with the help of another colleague. After checking all his vital stats, it revealed that he had desaturated and a plunging BP (blood pressure) and HR (heart rate).

Then, I went to inform the doctor to review him. The sexy new Medical Officer reached within minutes. I did the ECG and CE as ordered, while she took the ABG and did the other blood investigations.

By the way, she also revealed her bra with part of her boobies and most part of her lower limbs, with the mini dress and plunging neckline combo. Heng she's quite pretty, so it wasn’t torturous. Imagine if she had cellulite ridden legs or stretch mark boobies. Yeeeeew.

No wonder my patient couldn’t breathe. Wahahhaa..

And the patient was ordered to be transferred to the main building for closer observation. My ward is like that. Being situated in ‘kusu island’, we don’t have the luxury of having a station doctor and it makes it very inconvenient for doctors to come over in time in cases that warrant immediate attention.

We managed to find a bed for the patient in time. But the ward later called back to say that they would not be able to take my patient in as the clerk had already assigned the bed to another patient. My ward sister was pissed and called the clerk to fuck her, and snatch back the bed.

So, for a good part of the morning, I ended up stuck in the room with the seizure guy, then shifted my butt to the nursing station to finish the rest of my changes (work).

When I asked the other doctor to review the need for another patient’s intake/output chart, he dissed me, saying, “It’s over you know. I've already seen the patient. Now is not a good time to ask me. You should have asked me just now.”

FUCKER.

How to ask you when I was in the midst of fluid challenging/taking ECG/cleaning up the shit of the seizure guy?!

And he continued to drone on and on. My patience wore so thin, I could feel it scraping at my bones. Unable to contain myself any longer, I snapped back, ‘Ok! OK! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” My sour face could have made lemons blush.

He got the message.

If he has menses, and such heavy flow, he should have got a pad.

PS – good thing I finished all my work in time as i had so much help from Phyu2. At least i found time to talk with my patients.

Part B -
In the later part of the day, we were all called to congregate for a teaching lesson by Maggie Mee.

A little background of Maggie Mee.. She’s a staff nurse with type A personality. For the uninitiated, that translates into – kan cheong spider complex. Working with her may induce palpitations in her co-workers.

She presented the case, quite poorly, being unable to focus on key aspects of care. This loophole was torn to shreds by some other staff whom deemed it absolutely necessary to take it upon themselves to humiliate her.

Especially the bitch with the chao lao bin (aged face) and pseudo mickey mouse voice. That mickey mouse vocal cords must have come from a corrupt factory in china cause it’s just too damn disgusting for words.

It really wasn’t the amount of questions they threw at her that made me sick to the deepest, darkest, recesses of whatever orifices I possess, but the manner in which they chose to dispense it.

Disgusting.

Low.

Cheap.

Chee Bye.

They all think that they know everything.

My foot.

And even if they did, that was still no reason for such uncivilized behavior. I couldn’t take the drama so I had to walk out because I knew the vulgarities would soon erupt.

I believe no one in my ward has ever witnessed my outbursts. Yet.

If they did that to me, I swear I would have probably lunged at them. Scratched their faces, dug out their eyeballs and ate their hearts. Ok, I exaggerate. More likely, I would have fucked them there and there and instigated a fight.

You want a piece of me?!

Goodness. I’m just so pissed. Angry at the way they chose to treat their colleague.

And angrier at myself, for not standing up for the one being bombed.

Part 3 –
The Gary Saga Continues

I think Gary has some serious hearing deficits. Or at least super bad otitis media (middle ear infection). He seems to be shouting at me all the time.

He was at the adjacent end of the ward when he started to ask me what was my friend’s name. Here is a summary of our conversation.

Gary : What is your friend’s name ah?!
Me : Kristabel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kristabel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kriiiiiiiiiiiiiistaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kriiiiiiiiiiiiiistaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeel!
Gary : Aiyo.. why the name so long wan?!
Me : Stylo mah! Stylo name for stylo girl!

Luckily I don’t get the chance to talk to him that much. Else I think my vocal cords would be worn off, and my ears, deaf.

PS – Kristabel, beware… I have Gary’s number ok.

Another day

It was a good day for me today. I bumped into Chicken and Jolene on my walk to work, so we made arrangements to have our break together. Unfortunately, only Jolene (besides me) managed to keep in schedule. Pity Mokie wasn’t able to leave on time. I had wanted to pull her out of the wards for makan so bad.

The Palliative Nurse came to see Room 23 today, and midway through the conversation, my auntie started to cry. I went in and started consoling her, telling her not to cry and be so sad. But the nurse said that it would be a good release for her.

So I just hugged her.

She gripped me so tight I could feel her sorrow course through my veins. She buried her face in my shoulder, sobbing softly in my arms as i embraced her. I felt helpless. So helpless, as i found my own cheeks being warmed with grief.

I can only hope stroking her back while she cried, offered her some redress.

Room 25’s appetite has improved greatly. She actually told me she was hungry and asked for some oats after lunch today. And she managed to finish a whole bowl. A fine feat, considering the tough journey we all went through to up her feeds from ¼ bowl, to ½ share now.

And my uncle in Room 21 cried after telling me his story of not being able to marry the love of his life in his younger days. I sat him out of his room, to allow him greater interaction with people rather then the 4 walls. He said he felt much better after that.

I’m unsure of why emotions were so rife today.

Even the Gary saga raged on.

He passed Gogi his telephone number early in the morning so she could pass it to his alleged admirer. And yes, if you must know, K received it. Wahahhahaaa…

I met Gary in the ward later in the day and traded greetings. Tons of people went to his room to chat. Gogi and the male cleaner kept popping into his room, so much so it was distracting. With the renovation workers, staff and Research people back, the ward seemed bustling with activity.

A far cry from yesterday’s mellow aura.

Even Mokie and K came by to eyeball Eczema Girl whom i thought was around. They managed to walk by Gary's room though. My, my.. what attention he got.

A while later, he stopped by outside Room 38, where I was about to position the uncle for an ECG. It was strange to see him standing in the doorway just as Sophia was about to close the door. Even if he is a SN, and I bet he’s witnessed things like these countless times, he's not part of my ward. And that man just stood there.

Obscuring the sunlight streaming in.

So I asked him how it felt to give his number away. He looked puzzled and questioned if the person was me. He said Aunt Gogi had given him so many names it confused him. Hahahahaa… Relentless, Gogi followed up with the matchmaking service, asking if K had kept his number. I tell you, I was a little disappointed when K showed me the note, a little piece of paper with just his name and number.

Aiyoh, like that how to tackle girls leh?!

Thus, I brought it upon myself to write, “K, I LURVE YOU”. Ok, it would seem a wee bit desperate and stalker material if he had actually done that, but anything would be better then just the plain note right? K just pursed her lips and shook her head while I giggled.

Aunt Gogi says it is rude to throw the number away.

Hence, I reminded K to at least sms poor ol’ Gary an obligatory thanks for his time. I mean, can still be friends right? Gaining is better then losing right? Heeheeheee.. And Gary looked a little sad near the end of the day. So I’m guessing K had not smsed him.

Haiz.

Did the joke really get out of hand?

I think I may need to lock the both of them together in the MO’s room. Or perhaps drug both. Maybe even a bit of both. Hehehhehee…

Everyone says I’m naughty. Wrong. I’m mischievous.

PS – We launched Trendcare this week. And it’s shitty cause it eats into the time I spend with my patients.

(ALMOST) PAY DAY

Today was a day bustling with activity.

For a start, I was scheduled to work from 9am-6pm because Lao Lao wanted me to attend a seminar chaired by a visiting expert from 3.15pm. I presume the word ‘expert’ here is used loosely. They seem to label any healthcare personnel that visit the hospital grounds an expert.

The talk was super dry and boring. I sat at the back, munching on my curry puff and basicallly instigating all the people who were fasting to hijack my tasty morsels.

Anyway, the morning hours were really hard to pass. Our side had, get this, a grand total of 5 patients. To a total of 4 nurses. That beats ICU down flat man. I was bored out of my wits, so I dragged a couple of patients to bathe and spent 45 glorious minutes on a bilateral foot dressing which was damn disgusting. Every cotton ball I cleansed with, came white and went to the dustbin looking like I dunked it into a cup of milo. YUCKS. I cleaned like a woman possessed, satisfied only when the cotton ball returned in an acceptable manner.

And since I would be going on my annual leave, I decided to spend a little more time with my patients. The lady in room 23 traded hugs with me, a ritual we adhere to almost every day. She’s a funny lady, only taking her nebulizer after I hug her. It makes her happy, so it’s all good.

I sat out room 25 for breakfast. Everyone says I spoil her, giving into her antics and basically babying her. Sometimes when she gets too breathless, she uses hand signals to me, and because I’ve been nursing her for close to 2 months, I can roughly guess what she wants even before she needs to say things (aka pseudo fortune teller). Her appetite is slowly improving with all the love and attention that she’s getting, even though one has to come to terms with the fact that time is running out for her.

She makes me rub this evil looking red liquid on her belly to ease the distention. It evaporates into pungent fumes that burn and sting the mucosal layers of the nose and eyes. EVIL.

But I do it anyway. I’m a sucker for her smile.

I used to coax her relentlessly to finish her Mist Carminative. Until the night my preceptor and i tried it. We spit the damn thing out the moment it touched our tongues. It tastes like some freakish fish sauce and flour combo. DISGUSTING. So i promised myself never to inflict her the same torture again.

Indra loves to disturb her. You should witness it yourself. It’s just damn funny. One time, Mel shook her bed and we all ran around the room shouting earthquake!!! That old lady just creaked open her lids a fraction of an inch and waved us away.

So anticlimax. Duh.

Today, when she asked Indra to reduce the volume of the telly, Indra did the exact opposite. She nagged at us while we chuckled uncontrollably beside her.

My preceptor also had to bribe another patient with Prima Deli’s chicken pie so he would consent for blood taking too.

So, as you can imagine, my ward spoils the folks there.

With the low census and the research division out-stationed, the ward is getting a little too quiet for my liking. People like Meng Hwee, Gary, the other SN all take the effort to exchange greetings with the patients out in the walkway, allowing the patients interaction with people apart from the usual green uniform. And yes, the saga between Eczema Girl and Gary is seriously amusing to behold.

Today, Kristabel signaled that my abdomen was expanding. Then she asked if Gary or KC was responsible. I replied, “It was a wild night. It could be either one.” For the record, it was a joke. I cannot be impregnated by air. Unless you can devise a way for sperm to be airborne (flicking sperm through the air just doesn't count), I refute the advances made by this topic. Wahahhaha..

I nearly banged head on into Gary today. It was a weird conversation.

Gary : Hey! How are you?!
Me : Good! And how about you!!
Gary : EXCELLENT!!
Me : OK!!
Gary : OK!!

Yes, we were shouting at the top of our voices in the hall. Don’t ask me why. I was just mirroring his behavior.

On the second meeting, I stood by the gates, waiting for my brother (whom was damn freaking-pull-hair-from-roots late) to pick me up for our monthly supermarket spree together. Gary was walking with his female colleague into the compound. Waving, another conversation ensued.

Gary : Aiye! You morning shift ah?
Me : 9-6 lor.. damn sheong ah!
Gary : You waiting here for what?
Me : (About to answer but gets interrupted)
Gary : Waiting for me ah?! Hahaha.. (he still has the cheek to laugh)

*This is where his female colleague’s eyeballs go amok*

Me : I’m waiting for my brother lah. Duh.Why are you back?
Gary : Getting my stuff. See you!
Me : Bye!

And yes, we were shouting again. I think either one of us has a serious hearing deficit.

The security guard must have had a field day with the drama, watching all this in the safety of his guard house in front of the gate.

REEL LIFE

I like movies because it sucks me into another world, partnered with music playing in the background, bringing emotions to a crescendo. An alternate reality, where I can witness others make mistakes and see the consequences clearly surface.

You’ll always know how the ending goes.

I can fast forward.

I can rewind.
I can mute sound.
I can brighten up.

I can dull.

I can freeze frame.

And the best thing is that the bombs don’t hurt.

I wield an insane power to switch off the damn telly, should I get sick of things. And the ability to store the images clearly in a hardisk.

Unlike my own reality, in which nothing is what it seems. And twists in the plot are abound with every movement I make. How profoundly true the saying of “events are always clearer to the uninvolved”. Sometimes I feel like slapping myself on the forehead when I do things that make it seem that I had allowed my brain to take a vacation. To mars. On a camel. And a rubber one to boot.

If I had my way, I’d like my life to mimic that of a Korean movie. The actors always have such glowing looking skin, silky hair and nice colorful clothes. Korean men in the movies are toooooooooo die for. Well, maybe not to that extent. But yeah.. some of them just looooooook gooooooood *drools*. Exactly what I like!

And even if the characters don’t look all that great, at the very least, they have an enigmatic presence which draws you to continue watching.

Juxtapose that to real life. KC To. Celluilite not celluliod babeh.

I’d like my life movie to have an earth shattering love affair like Millionaire’s First Love, minus the sad ending. And I’d pray the male lead looks like the one in Seducing Mr Perfect (Daniel Henny!!! Btw, he's the amazingly delicious creature in the pic above). I’d like to possess the spunk of the female lead in S Diary and Perfect Couple combined. I’d like to have the opportunity to travel back in time like Operation Makeover and have a dog like Hearty Paws. Throw in some occasional drama of those around me like the buddies in Cheaters. And to top that off, I’d like my own soundtrack to be a mixture of all the music I love.

In all it’s Technicolor splendor Full HD.

LOVE

Psst......... Allow me to share with you a little secret. I’m falling in love.

And yes, I’m falling in love with my ward.

It’s been a heck of a ride these past few months. Adapting to the new ward environment and taking on the responsibilities of being a staff nurse, almost playing gawd to the patients under my charge.

But first, I would like to share with you a little about the people that have helped make life so joyous.

F4
This seriously cracks me up.

The moniker was coined up one fine day by an otherwise bored Zihui. She decided to christen the 4 newbies in the ward this because we were all talking about drama serials. And she said that this term seemed so apt for us.

Apparently, I’m Dao Ming Si – the leader.
Kristabel is Hua Ze Lei – the act cool one.
Zihui is Vaness – the ang moh.
And of course, Snoopy is Ken – the happy-go-lucky one.

I doubt many others would actually bother to remember the characters in the Meteor Garden series. But, you get my drift.

They’ve helped my transition into the wards to be a wonderful experience.

All my makan sessions with Kristabel and the gang have helped ease away the stress of a busy work day. And joking about Lao Lao and Ah Chow, never ceases to stretch my occularis oris sideways.

Incidentally, my waistline also seems to be stretching sideways.

My Preceptor
At first, she seemed to be cold and strict. Slowly, she’s becoming one of the few people that I’m beginning to learn to trust. She’s helped to guide me into the steam of things that follow in the wards. From patient education to pulling my weight with the doctors.

Often, she allows me the freedom to do as I please, bestowing a kind of trust that is, at the same time both flattering and exhilarating.

She makes me call the doctors who play the game of Tai-Chi, settle the hiccups that may occur, chides me when she feels I can do things better. At the same time, she understands my needs, allows me to get away with murder, and stands up for me when needed.

In short, she looks after me. Very well.

My Patients
I love them to bits. All the silly things that we do together, I’m really lucky to have met these people.

I’ve had to opportunity to mend broken family ties, been kissed a few times and traded hugs with many of them whom has crossed paths with me.

Their ‘thumb-ups’, sincere smiles, spontaneous laughter and little pats on the back soothe away whatever resentment I brew within. And even when patience thins and deadlines beckon, they never fail to make me realize why I am here in the first place.

Maybe that’s just why I get so pissed when I see them simply not having the care they deserve.

Yes, Assoc Prof Angelica, your decision to discharge Rm 40 is invalid. (inside joke)

The People
The ward staff is an eclectic mix of people from all walks of life. From the haughty, to the blardy damn weird, the beautiful to the hardworking, the downright freaking lazy slobs to the background wallpaper people.

Each has their own little place in the wards.

Where else can you get such drama outside Caldacott Hill in little ol’ Singapore?

The Men
Yes, this category of adds spice.

By this, I’m specially pointing out :
- The cleaner(s) – whom I swear I never said were cute
- KC – which Kristabel insists is my lover
- Gary – whom I blatantly blast is HER lover, and is by the way, loving admired by the other cleaner and particularly voluptuous staff

But I think I’ll keep this topic under wraps for now =)

And dedicate an ENTIRE entry on their antics! RA i tell you!!

INNER BEAUTY

When men say it’s not the outside, but the inside that matters. They’re not lying. They’re just stretching the truth.

Allow me to explain. Yes, through the years of evolution, the men have finally figured it out. The face of a woman makes up just part of the sales package.

It’s the underwear that does the preservation of the insides.
By this, I can’t help but mean – explicitly – the bits that should jiggle, bounce and entice nice, straight men.

Likewise, I can’t agree more. I also have this fascination; an obsessive compulsion for great underwear. In no way is this, a fetish or am I perverse, I just turn into hunting mode when need be.

Good bras help make average boobies look kick-ass and offer comfortable support. Helping boobies globally fight the evil pull of gravity. Lest we all end up looking like Lao Lao before hitting 60.

Boobies should never end at the waist.

Good panties possess Harry Potter powers of invisibility under skirts/pants/jeans and don’t peek over the waistbands of our low-waist-ed counterparts. There’s absolutely only one thing more disgusting then exhibitory undergarments.

And that is UGLY, DIRTY, MOTH BITTEN exhibitory undergarments.

I follow these simple rules :

Granny undies should be burned.
Do you really want your granny’s undies to be waaaay fergilious then yours?

You should never buy second hand undies – now that’s just blardy unhygienic.

Always get nice undies –

You never know when you’ll be sent to a hospital. Really. And you never know if the doctor/nurse/medic is going to be cute.

I just love nice underwear to bits. I think they’re the sexiest item of clothing anyone can own. And the style speaks volumes about the wearer’s personality, both the visible and otherwise.

I have the power to wear anything I want to on the inside.

I buy underwear in all colors and styles. All cuts and finishes. In lace and microfibre. From cotton to satin. I love them all!

Seamless! Sport Supports! French Lace! Embroidery! Lycra! Ribbons! Whatever!

Recently, in a desperate (and equally lame) attempt to return to their roots in nursing, the hospital decided to revamp their current uniform style and color. From the original distinct and hardy (color) to the boring and mundane white.

I had to chuck my current rainbow bright colored undies for a range of muted tones, in case they decide to scream beneath the layers. And yes, my ever expanding butt is not food - I do not wish for it to look like a leg of ham forcefully tied up in string.

I swear I will never repeat bringing Mashi Maro to the wards on my butt again.

As usual, I have gained weight through the past months. What used to be a very loose, oversized uniform, has transformed into something rather fitted. But, I can only brainwash myself into thinking that my hot water rinses are responsible for shrinking the uniform. I just need to accept the fact that my blossoming womanly curves can no longer be contained.

Utter Rubbish.

I’m just getting fatter. Nabeh. *bangs head*

So yes, in case you’re wondering, Kristabel and I managed to get some new underwear from the John Little sale at Expo Hall 4. The Pierre Cardin Young Hearts (yes, indeed, they’re not only meant for just the young in age) range was damn cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. At $10/set, what better steal can there be elsewhere?! Bras were from 2 for $5 to max $30/pc.

A steal I say! Gimme gimme gimme MORE…

We even saw some bras so big a singular cup could pass off as an N95 or fill enough water to feed hundreds. Thousands. The Entire World. Which also reminded me of Chicken’s 80cents humungous granny underpants from Chinatown still rotting at my place. Hehehheheee..

And panties in all cuts and patterns, ranged from $5-$10/pc. I bought mine for $15.90/3pcs. And what made it even cooler was the fact that the cashier didn’t scan them in. So, in the end, I got them for free.

WAHAHAHAHA… I’m in undie heaven.

In case you catch me swaggering down the halls with a smirk plastered across my face, you can bet your ass I’m wearing something POWERFUL and something that could possibly burn into memory.

Or maybe just stark, raving mad with a panty pulled overhead