Thank You

There’s so much I can be thankful for. So much so, it’s even difficult to start. I don’t know where one point starts and another follows. The blessings just seem to keep coming in waves.

The bonus given earlier this month was sufficient to cover the cost of Christmas presents for loved ones and close friends. And my mindless spur-of-the-moment/lapses in sanity at one-too-many Esprit boutiques and yes, yet another pair of Birkies. Sigh. Can you begin to smell my burnt pockets?

Someone gave me a W910i. (Thanks again) Drools.

Wipes spit. Drools again.

With the large LCD, clear cam, motion sensor, sleek lines and large memory capacity, I think it’s the coolest thing on earth! Are you jealous already?!

Aside from my PSP slim, that is. Drools again.

And time with F4 + 2 is simply wonderful. We spent Christmas at Ana’s. The little woman cooked up such a storm and what was supposed to be a little, intimate get-together ended up being a giggling cum scream fest/sleepover. No one intended to stay over, but lo and behold, Snoopy ended up falling in love with her place and the rest of us were just too tired to move from the festive stuffing.

Sweet Ana also bought all of us Hush Puppy boxers! She wanted everyone to have a gift! Awww…. We went to fetch Mokie and Leni from work as they were on Night Duty. They were so happy to have bodyguards to walk them to Ana’s place. And we had such a blast at Ana’s. Mokie also gave us handwritten, personalized cards stating her feelings for each of us. That emo woman. Her note nearly brought tears to my eyes. Nearly.

Smiles.

Ana’s so small. She looks like a midget on her bed. So funny! And imagine 5 grown ups on 2 super singles. And we still had space.

Must be my mo hui shen cai! Kristabel, no need to be jealous.

Waka waka

Sadly, Leni will be leaving us to further her education in NYP later this week. Her advanced diploma in med-surg nursing is scheduled to commence in Jan. We’re rooting for her, even though we’re fending off the dreaded watery-eye syndrome.

Mokie’s turning 21 this 30th! She wants to celebrate her birthday in Yangtze cinema, and experience the infamous seats with the power of artificial impregnation. I swear she will be going without me.

I must keep my womb dormant.

And I still have one last round of presents to gather for the group. Our weekly gift exchanges were very successful. In the end, we each received great gifts filled with love! Leni got her cardholder. Kristabel got her Havaianas. Mokie got in-ear earphones. Ana got designer headphones. Snoopy will get her watch soon. And I, I got an esprit tunic! One session was particularly fulfilling because we unanimously decided to donate the proceeds to charity.

The girls have such heart.

Smiles.

I went to clean my Dad’s grave. Ross and Rick prayed for Dad too. Rick even stayed behind to have a little private ‘chat’. My brother amazingly found a striped rock resembling a heart shape, nestled in the sea of stones.

I’d like to think that Daddy’s sending us his love.

Smiles.

When I’m feeling down, I just have to remember to look around. I have so much to be thankful for.

My family.
My friends.
Tam-So-Leong-Low.

My loves.

Thank you for making 2007 so special. Thank you.

There are days where I just feel an overwhelming loss. An unexplained, ill defined sense of despair that clouds the senses and throbs deep, making even a single breath draw blood.

Breathe.

Remembering all that has come to past. Where should I look except towards the future?

If that’s the case, why do I find myself doing a 3-60?

Breathe.

Too many have left me.

Suddenly. Alone. Struggling.

What more can I do?

Unable to make sense in all the senselessness.

How much more can I take?

How much more can bear?

Why do I immerse myself in the endless torment?

Tell me what I can actually look forward to.












Breathe.




Just breathe.




Breathe.








Stop giving me the courage to carry on when I so badly want to let go.

Bleed.

EYE ON YOU

I bet half of Asia tuned in to watch the first ever ASIAN IDOL over the weekend. Likewise, I succumbed to peer pressure and plastered my big butt to the couch. Ensured with a good view, I kept my pupils fixed and dilated to the telly.

However, my ears wanted to fold unto itself on several occasions.

Singapore sent in Hady Mirza. The second winner in the Singapore Idol series. What ever happened to his predecessor, Mr I-can’t-remember-his-name/malay guy?!

Hady won though; much to his own surprise and the dismay of millions all over Asia. Truthfully, I thought Jaclyn Victor (Malaysian Idol) had the most powerful voice of the lot. Her soulful rendition of "Gemilang" left me frantically running to Ross for an impromtu translation. She hit all the right notes and belted the song which just magnified the difference in league she was compared to the other performers, but her performance was overflowing with ego-maniacal narcissism, which ultimately swung the votes in favor of the others.

Perhaps a little restraint and humility would have sent the title to her instead.

Mau (Philippine Idol) and Mike (Indonesian Idol) also gave pretty good performances. Their voices were smooth but somewhat lacking in vocal prowess compared to Jaclyn.

As for the others, well, lets just say… those are the types of voices that one can hear in any open-air karaoke lounge or community centre. Passably forgettable.

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F4 + 2’s scheduled for another bash tomorrow. In fact, we have 2 outings planned. Oh! I can’t wait! Mokie’s finally back from her rendezvous in Bangkok. I’ll have to screen her for HIV..!! No lah, that pseudo chaste virgin only rapes men with her eyes (I hope!).

By the way, it's BONUS time for us all. Just in time for all the tempting year end sales and a great excuse to change my oh-so-lagging handphone.

Me to Moto : It's time for us to part babeh. You've served me well these 2 and a half years. It's time for me to move on...

BADGE OF HONOR

Today has been particularly fulfilling.

Scheduled a long 8am-4pm shift, I got the opportunity to wake up a little later to go to work. A whole 30mins later. It was raining as usual, a fine mist of water that almost didn’t pass off as rain. I reached DDB at 7.35am to attend the BCLS (Basic Cardio-pulmonary Life Support) course.

I was fortunate enough to get to forge some new friendships in the process. We slogged through the course together. Battling the evil mannequins and sick torturous obstacles JCI standards brought. Even the instructors were kind and cheerful, save for one.

In the end, my printout had a grand total of 4 mistakes (allowance was 30) for the entire cycle. And the moody woman said my printout was ‘beautiful’.

Heeheehee

I went for lunch at ISS with my new friends, merrily gorging down my yong tau foo, beside the team of ang moh podiatrists consolidated in a single table beside us. I tried my best to eavesdrop, alas to no avail. Their Aussie accent was so thick, just like Kristabel's skin.

I wobbled back to the ward with spasm brewing in my patellae and aching palms. Lao Lao was in a euphoric mood though. I presume Steven (her alleged lover) had been generous the night before.

Smile-o-meter rating : Gums and Teeth

She asked if I passed. I replied, ‘Of course!” and she just stood there giggling, urging me to hand over my cert so she could file a copy in her room of doom.

The ward was abuzz with activity. Leni hung up the Christmas decorations during her night shift and Indra pasted all the colorful paper cutouts in Angelica’s room. Angelica looked wide eyed with glee and asked me what festival we were embracing.

It’s been a long time since I saw the merriment aflame in those eyes.

Even Destiny Tam made a long overdue debut back tothe ward. But that man, haiyoh, only has eyes for Kristabel.

After shift, I got dragged to keep my promise to Kristabel. We scooted off to HSA to donate blood.

My virginal blood donation.

My initial apprehension melted into trust as the competent nurses worked their magic fingers on my veins (which incidentally were deemed small). Lucky for me, I only had to endure a single prick; as the lignocaine lived up to its hype, successfully numbing the pain of the insertion of the large bore needle.

And turning my head to watch Kristabel go through the same procedure; inspired me to continue. In the end, my 450ml bag filled up in less then 5 minutes. After which, we exchanged the coupons for snacks. I liked the soft, sweet cake and kau kau (thick) milo! The nurses loaded us with freebies and we got to choose the color of the bandage which I proudly wore like a badge of honor.

Next, we went back to have dinner with Mokie at Kopitam.

And so that ends my wonderful day

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They say some people inspire, while others amaze
And if you look closely enough, some people are capable of both
They make me do the things

I normally have no courage to do