These are just some of the items i stuff my face with EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Yup, i know they're loaded with preservatives, sugar and other evils.

That's what makes them sinfully good. Sinfully yummy.

Life is like a pack of cuttlefish. It stinks but you just keep comming back for more

My rendition of Fara, Myself and Moonie put together...but they'll never stand near me while i go puff like a magic dragon =)

Fara's a small little thing with large eyes, an acid tongue and the mastermind behind our class blog. You go girl!

Moonie's a lanky, pouty lipped female with dimples. She's so accident prone, she can trip over her own toes. You rock too!

Together, they attract men like bees to honey. The men don't have a chance. Too bad LooLoo and Andy Ong loves me =) Moonie, try harder. And too bad i prefer YKJ. Cheryl, try harder.

I pretty much embarrass them with every chance i get. Moonie's the butt of my jokes and Fara endures all the loud burps and yawns in public. I don't know why they are still my friend. If i had a friend like me, i'd jump on the bandwagon to where ever i'm not around. You get my drift. If you don't, try harder.

RAINBOWS

I enjoy reading my friends' blogs as much they enjoy stalking mine =)

I'm a perpetual character they write about (they can't help it - i'm an icon). Seriously, my friends have grown on me. Like fungus on a piece of rotting wood. They're everywhere in my life. Though some are much younger, some possess a maturity beyond their numerical years. And their infectious, cheerful nature, is simply heartwarming- it's always a good thing to start the day with a smile. However, Sharon Lee still carries a hefty claim on my happiness =)

I am aware that each face carries a different story. And some leave a deep imprint on another's life. Some smiles carry a burden of sadness, and some smiles bring forth such a light. We all fight our own private battles. Where one may prefer to voice it out loud, another may choose to surpress the pain. But the fact is, our lives impact all around us.

It's like the book - The 5 people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom. Being an emotional drama queen, i naturally teared while ploughing through the pages. I am sticking to my story: the pages were laced with dust.

The simple story tells of the journey of a man's soul to heaven with flashbacks into his life. A touching story of hidden hurts and the triumphant victory of humanity. Where situations, relationships, may not be as they seem, where the love the lead feels for his deceased wife remains as intense as the day he married her, and maybe even more.

Many aspects of the story can relate to the events that all of us go through. And the selflessness that can bring out the best in every single one of us.

I can safely say that i'm happily content (still). I hope i always will. I nearly gave up everything. So close. So close. I'm glad i didn't.

Life just stumbles into perspective when you make a conscious effort to be happy and appreciate the simple things. Though I am still known to like the occassional splurge of prada(s)... wahaha.. but that's another story for another time.

'The horizon looked bleak

because although i had my eyes opened

my heart was closed'

Does anyone know the name of the singer or the song for the current CSI trailer? Its a lady singing in the most haunting voice and i simply love it. Its part burned into memory and has morphed into some sort of obsession. Please help me. Thanks.

Let's just starve and be toothpicks with breasts. The media's splashing beautiful skinny shits all over the place. So lets numb our neurons and join in the fun.

Forget the exercise and healthy eating plans. Starving, vomiting and pills are faster. Heck... why not go all the way and take drugs! Druggies are always skinny beyond belief. Woohoo

- CHAPTER: END -

Today marks the end of another chapter in my life.

I spoke to Sharon Lee the night before and voiced my concerns over a suspected case of physical abuse that was happening under my nose. There is a parent who seriously is in need of EQ education and anger management. Behind closed curtains, i often hear slapping sounds, harsh words, followed by loud cries from her young child. Her child was warded due to duodenal haematoma (it's unclear as to weather that was sustained from trauma or spontaneous, as the mother is tight lipped about the child's history).

The child is isolated in her bed as the mother refuses to let her come into contact with anyone sharing the same room with her. The mother also makes offensive remarks when the noise levels tip above silence (which is clearly impossible.. bear in mind that there are 5 other patients in the same room).

All students are not allowed to enter her 'domain' (an invisible barrier she has built by drawing her curtain shut). Ironically, when she needed to go down to buy lunch today, she asked her supposedly 'favourite' student to help keep an eye on her child. (How can you even expect the child to feel secure when we are not even given the opportunity to build a rapport with her?) The child no doubt started to wail hysterically without her mother in sight. I went to try to pacify the child.

At first, she refused to speak to me. She lay curled up on the bed, appearing frightened and called out for her mother. Her little cheeks lay stained with tears. She also tried to pull out the tubes that were connected to her. The 'favourite' student raised his hands in mock surrender and proceeded to call the mother back on his hp.

In the meanwhile, i finally manged to distract the child and started a conversation with her over her toy. Soon, the child was able to engage in a decent conversation with me. (Children change like the weather). An overly-clingy attitude could also be a symptom of abuse (i confirmed this with another lecturer trained in psychology).

Unfortunately, i was not able to assess the child physically given my short contact time - the mother had returned. She passed snide remarks, saying that the tubes were all messed up and asked her child is i had scolded her or ill treated her in anyway.

I read up on the history of the child from the supplied case sheets and made it my business to at least bring the matter up to higher authorities. Sharon Lee gave me the strength and the wisdom to fight my case. It wasn't an easy decision to make - i feared that i would be labelled baised (as the mother has had some unpleasant encounters with me) or a trouble-maker. But turning a blind eye may result with a child dead. Doing the right thing is never easy and cowardice is not a trait i would like to associate myself with.

On Ross's advice, i decided that it was only proper to speak to my lecturer instead of going direct to the ward mangers. If she dismissed my concerns, i would then seek alternative measures (and then plot to ruin her good reputation).

Luckily for me, my lecturer listened to my analysis of the situation. Explaining the sensitivity of the topic, she assured me that the ward managers and staff are currently looking into the matter. They have also referred the mother and child to a medical social worker and play therapist for covert psychological assessment. The staff are on alert and keeping a close watch. At least they are not blind. At least i have unloaded my burdens and can manage a night of blissful sleep. At least the child will be safe.

Today, we also celebrated Fara's birthday =)

Birthday sweetie.... may you grow taller =) or bigger in the chest?

And to top it off, the debate session today was a little more casual, except for another inclusion of a quirky character. Another super-slanged persona. This time, it's a female. She doesn't quite fit into the AMP mould. What struck me was her masculine mandible and wide teeth. So much bone. So much enamel. I'll christen her, Mutant Jaw (i never denied being a bitch). She took all effort to belittle my arguments. Haha. She wish she could do more. So did i. Wahaha. Bring it on! But please, save the toothy grin for the more appreciative... wahahaha...

in loving memory of C...

whose life has touched many in the short time she graced us with

i can only wish for peace to be unto you

rest well in God's loving hands

Its my last day of my paeds attachment tomorrow. Thank goodness. I can safely say - Paeds is most definately not for me - unless i'm nursing orphans. There's so much drama i often find myself asking, "is this set of a super long winded american soap with the iconic sand flowing through the hour glass?" I can almost hear the corny music playing in the background.

Some people think that nurses' are maids. Order you here, order you there. Fuck you.
Some people think students are worse then maids. Double fuck you.
And some people, well, they're just incapable of sensible, rational thoughts. Triple fuck you. And add some mean ass butt thrusts too.

Some people colour my life, some in a positive way, whereas others, well, add a little too much spice. The latter can be said for a certian fucking biatch. An asymmetrically faced biatch.

I've enough of that sickeningly unstable, psychotic, asymmetrical faced biatch and her nonsense. She should consider the following :

1. Rape the PIG (it is often said that the product of extremely ugly parents are beautiful children)
2. Stuff her head down a toilet bowl just utilized by a person with gastroenteritis (eat shit biatch)
3. Go for cosmetic surgery to fix that hideous lop-sided face
4. Go jump off a building (hopefully she'll land face first so that will increase her chances of looking better)

Die biatch DIE...!!

I'm so fucking pissed by her nonsense. Actually, i quite pity her daughter. Its best that i leave ASAP. Else i may find it hard to put up with all her rubbish and explode head-on. I'll give her some abuse.

AND THE PIG GOES WEE WEE WEE

I nearly killed the PIG...yes, again.

I tracked his trail around the ward. Target locked in sight. He knew the time of reckoning was near. Try as he might to seek solace under the protection of the managers, i eyed him like a predator on the prowl, hungry for blood. His eyes shifted uneasily, trying to scan the terrain for an escape route. There would be no escape.

When the time was right, i pounced. Trapping him a corner with nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, i started to grill him. Pork BBQ. He cowered, subtlely shivering in that cold, white, clammy skin of his. I could smell the fear. As beads of sweat glistened under the flouresent light, i slashed him with my acid words.

Take this, and that, and a hell lot more....

Slash slash slash

By the time he knew what hit him, the pack had joined in. Take MORE of this and that...We devoured the poor PIG.

The place reeked of a bleeding (previously inflated) ego and the stink of sweat mixed with excessive saliva. Finally, seeing death evident, the PIG reluctantly relented and agreed to the swopping of shifts. It was over. The pack dispersed into the night. And the PIG ran to gawd knows where to masturbate again. We'll let you off this time. You may not be so lucky the next time.

Expect this when you take advantage of my friends.

Charge me - i'm guilty. Oh gawd, i'm such an Ah Lian. Fucking hell. I need to repent. I seriously need to take up cross stitch again for anger management. I hope this behaviour never repeats itself again.

I'm Having The Time of My Life

We (me + suli + Jil) went to Newton to stuff our faces after work. We had char kuay teow, mussels and stingray! Yummy. Yum. Yum. I also had iced milo kosong which tasted like diluted shit juice. Curses to the bitch who made the drink. I asked for milo kosong, not longkang water.

But i did ultimately enjoy myself because i had great company. Suli and Jil are super. Real wacky characters. Especially Suli. She cracks me up. And possesses an imagination as vivid as mine. We imagine. We crap. We laugh.

Wish Moonie and Fara were there too...but one has a mother so strict i seriously wonder if she makes Moonie wear an iron chastity belt complete with electrical discharges when touched-have a little trust in Moonie. You've got a great daughter here.. and Fara's on morning tomorrow (so i'll spare her my wild ideas).

The low down on my day:
I think the PIG avoided me on purpose today. He can run, but he can't hide. That bastard. I'll get you tomorrow. I heard lots of dirt on him. Apparently, some students caught him snoozing in the infant bath room (he made his Pig ass comfortable on the wheelchair and slept for gawd knows how long). Moonie also caught him sleeping in the student bay. That fucker. And he always MIA to answer his 'phone calls'. Suli asked if he actually had friends. I believe it must be those 1900-sex hotline hookers calling him to remind him to call back later. Seriously, i have a hard time imagining him having any friends.

Had more work to do in the wards today =) Finally. Some staff can actually start to entrust a little more responsibility to us now. I have great partners...

• Suli - my crap-mate who surprises me with her efficient hardworking nature.
• Spencer - accelerated dip guy who's a father of 5. Yes 5, that blardy fertile man.
• James - another accelerated dip guy, who's a father of none-he ain't married. We call him a Himbo cause he looks dense and is real chatty-worse then a woman.
• And the others ( Moonie + Jil + Yuxuan) who pop by to help ever so often =) Thanks guys

At dinner, we met Kengli and Candy. I asked Jil why the bleached spot at the side of her uniform. She replied, "I have corrosive armpits". Wahaha. That nearly killed me. Suli came up with a "gimme a B, gimme an I,-T-C-H" cheer which we used liberally throughout dinner. That gave me spasms too =)

Lionel came by a little later. He looked pretty pissed but mellowed into a happy mood. He enjoys making fun of me now. Stare. Stare. Stare. Hahaha.. it doesn't anger me though. It'll take much more. Lionel.. BRING IT ON...!!

We joked that a man seemed to be staring at Suli at dinner. She denied it, as usual. So we poked fun of her, insisting that she was trying to take a pic of her 'lover' when she flipped out her phone. Hahaha..

Yuxuan seemed to be staring ernestly in Delifrance while on our way back to the ward, so i shouted, "Aiye Xuan, you like that guy inside ah??!" That really freaked her out. I thought it was funny. Haha. And so did the others.

Bumped into Asyik and Shida after work in the tearoom. I'm amazed that Asyik has morphed into a really happy fellow this semester. He really seems to be relating well to others. Some people think that the Pig has united our class (common enemy/target of ridicule). I'd like to think that we've grown fond of each other =)

Exam results will be out on the 28th. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'll reward myself if i do well. If i don't, i may turn mad and murder the Pig.

Sharon, pray for me. Like i'm always for you =)
Die die LA in december...

MAGIQMIRROR part III

Fara's blog states of her confusion over choosing nursing as a profession. She shares that she's unaware of what made her decide to choose nursing over her childhood dream.

Some things happen for reason. And maybe, nursing chose her instead.

For me, I chose nursing for purely economical reasons (my childhood ambition was to be a journalist). I was never those that spoke earnestly of saving lives and all that bullshit. I had nowhere to enter but ITE with just my N levels. Office skills in ITE was out of the question (pay pathetically low and deskbound jobs don't appeal to me). Uncannily, it was ITE that later allowed me to build a bridge to do my diploma.

I have my fair share of close encounters, really nasty piece-of-shit characters, and the sadness of witnessing patients who later went on to became friends, pass away. I'm still in nursing for 2 simple reasons :

1. I'm bonded(shackled) to a hospital. If i leave, i'll have to work as a prostitute to pay off the sponsorship fees. And most prob work night-to-day, day-to-night and possibly the need to distribute discount coupons, given my below average outlook.
2. I can seriously say that i've grown to enjoy nursing.

I can't say that i love nursing. I still find all sorts of excuses to skive. And i hate to put up a plastic smile when in contact with mother-fuckers with rude attitudes. But i do believe that it's the same across most occupations. I'll never escape politics. Never escape idiots. Never escape making mistakes. But i do enjoy chatting, seeing different faces and playing with peoples' lives (ok, better leave the latter out). So why not just take things in stride?

Make no mistake - i'm sure as hell not shortchanging myself. I'm trying to see how far i can go (even if i appear to slack through school). Nursing has equipped me with a little general knowledge to manage illnesses (it'll be more if my brain can retain all that's been taught), given me a somewhat comfortable level of financial freedom (cannot eat full, not poor enough to starve to death syndrome), allowed me to meet a mix of people from all walks of life (from patients to my coursemates), and will enable me to cross borders (migration potential).

True job satisfaction comes from doing what you enjoy (ask any successful CEO/COO etc). And for now, i'm working towards my dream of one day working on board a mobile unit as part of the evacuation team. Going to desolate villages, war torn places, doing ops on planes.... in helicopters/planes/ships! Because then, no one would comment on my incessantly dishrivelled hair. Wahahhaa... it's in places like these that change your perception of superficialities life bombards one with, where people have the courage to face each day as their last and hopefully, where i can experience an unsurpassed satisfaction in what i do.

And perhaps one day i will be able to merge nursing with journalism?

I would like my job to be a positive aspect in my life, something that i'll look forward to each morning. And not just something that has to be done in order for money. I understand with dreams, come sacrifices. So for now, i'll just have to keep sacrificing (studying), and claw my way to wherever i can.

ALMOST ANIMAL ABUSE

I nearly punched the PIG in the stomach today. Last week, he had swopped shifts with Farah. She had graciously accepted his plea.. but when she asked if he could swop back (she has a debate briefing to attend this fri evening. It's important she attends because attendence will be taken into consideration during the selection process), he replied, "i have other commitments."

That really made my blood boil. And things tend to get ugly when this happens. Really ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

I went to ask him to clarify his statement - read: find trouble.

The PIG said he had to attend church on friday and would be unable to change shifts with Fara. The PIG thinks he's the bishop/reverend/preist/friar (take your pick). Such a coincidence? HAH..! I think he just came up with a lame excuse, mainly because it's a friday. That bastard.

Fara and Suli were beside me, and sensing (you don't need psychic powers to read the amount of piss i was brewing) that the whole encounter could get really out of hand, decided to intervene. They tried to ease the tense situation by smiling and speaking in pseudo-friendly high pitched tones, "You try to change ok?" *smiles* "You decide and tell me tomorrow lah" *smiles*

Meanwhile, the PIG stared at me. The nerve. The PIG wants war? I'll give the PIG war.

So i too, engaged in the visual attack - i stared back. Stare. Stare. Stare.

So we stood there staring at each other. Wahaha. The drama.
Of course i won. I have trained my eye muscles to freeze on demand over the years (trouble magnet in my youth lah). Suli said he looked as if he was going to cry. Please, if a stare can bring a man or in this case, the PIG, to tears, i mourn the day he is enlisted for National Service. (imagination run amock-enemy stares at him, he cries. Surrenders his gun, then gets butt fucked. Hmm.. maybe that way, he gets some purpose in his life.)

On a lighter note, today was, as usual a fun day. We joked that Yuxuan being so skinny, it would be great if we (me and Suli) had our boob size the same as the circumference of her head (behold the consequence of having too much free time). While Suli would be content with her boobies being just half of Yuxuan's head(Oh La La factor), i would want mine to have a little more oomph (factor) and go three quarters. We even joked that Yuxuan's hair = nipple. Wah.. big man. Scary.

As for the others:
Lionel wasn't in such a good mood today. Through dinner, he more or less just ate his fries (i pilfered a little from him) and he pretty much kept to himself.

Zul was seated too far to participate in a decent conversation with me.

Shida cut and rebonded her hair-nice! =) Glamour girl. Guys take note!

Moonie had so much make-up on today, it shocked me. Needless to say, i rubbed that into her face. Wahaha... and being the nice person she is, she didn't hold that against me. Instead, she gleefully embraced the attention. Heehehee... (i love you lah woman)

Some staff ticked us off for liotering in the wards. They must have expected us to paint the walls. They said there was work to be done. Hello... where?? You tell me. We dispersed to entertain the children and their parents. And yeah, the children bring a lot of joy. Later, they decided to delegate some work (parameters and diaper changing), so we continued to play while doing our work.

It's a slack ward to be in, compared to med-surg wards in our normal postings but truthfully, i'd much rather return to adult nursing. More work translates to me feeling more in need = intrinsic satisfaction. Again, i'd like to stress : Paeds is simply not for me.

We're going for supper after attachment tomorrow. Newton/Tekka/Mustafah Centre?! Woohoo...!!

Ps - i miss you Sharon Lee....

my class.. marking the end of another year... cheers to the NR0416 =)

Some people rub me the wrong way. Its hard to pinpoint the uneasiness and discomfort that manifests in me.

They may seem really friendly, articulate and even intellectual but they lack a major component: SINCERITY. Yup, because being a friend means more then plastic smiles and prefect pronounciation. It's not as superficial as that.

Below, is a list of what i admire in the people that have an impact on my life, or those that have crossed paths with me:

• Sharon Lee - Her strength
• Ross - His selflessness
• Rick - His happy, loving nature
• My Bro - His protectiveness towards me
• Kelvin - His unpretentiousness
• Deeva - Her courage
• Moonie - Her ability to laugh at herself
• Fara - Her wicked imagination
• Suli - Her sense of humor
• Lionel - His wordly knowledge
• Zul - His leadership
• Joey - His passion
• Izzy - His poetic nature

It doesn't mean that you mean any less if you're not in the list. It's just that these are the people that strike up an exclaimation in my head. Traits that burst out whenever i think of them, traits that i find so desirable, i want to keep in my pockets. Only to take them out in the toilet to view when i'm bored. Ok, you can see that my imagination is starting to get the better of me. So i better exercise some form of restraint.

Here By Me

It's easy to overlook the true essence of living with all the vanities of what life brings. Often, we underestimate how much our lives are entwined with another.

We may believe that the we stand alone in our battles and the pain we feel are bubbled within our own little world. How untrue.

The events that have affected your life affect mine too. And at times, the impact may be even stronger on another. A ripple effect.

Even though you may choose to hide in solitude, the fact remains. It involves me too. So do come forward if you need a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on or a simple listening ear.

You may fall, but i'll never be too far behind.

"on the wings of a zephyr, bring your voice back to me"

CURRENT PLAYLIST (12.04.2006)

1. Prayer - Secret Garden
2. In My Dreams - Lena Park
3. Cries In The Night - Wasp
4. Broken - Seether Ft Amy Lee
5. Geek In Pink - Jason Mraz
6. Too Much Love Will Kill You - Queen
7. I'm Almost Over You - Sheena Easton
8. One Man's Dream - Yanni
9. Lian Ai De Ren - Luo Zhi Xiang
10. Stupid Girls - Pink
11. The Zephyr Song - RHCP
12. You're All I Need - White Lion
13. Love Of A Lifetime - Firehouse
14. Harem - Sarah Brightman
15. Out Of Reach - Gabrielle
16. Classical Gas On Spanish Guitar - Eric Clapton
17. Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Tommy Emmanuel
18. It Is You - Hillsong
19. Ai Wo Hai Shi Ta - David Tao
20. Feel It - Black Eyed Peas

The soundtrack to my life....

ALL SMILES

I had a really fun day crapping with my friends today =)

During Attachment:
Moonie announced that her lips resembled labia (outer folds of the vagina). That grew into a slew of jokes. It started of with asking her to pout, then morphed into tasteless ridicule and then to porn-ish remarks. Wahahahaa... and super Moonie (aka Labby now) took it all in stride. That's why i love that woman soooooooo much. Hahaha.. she even said her nostrils were urethras (bilateral ones). Gross, but dead funny. So we (more like me and Chicken Su), imagined what it would be like if you had menses from your mouth. They stopped me but i'll blog here (cause IT's MY BLOG and i can say whatever i want, minus sensitive issues for now).

Just imagine... you'd have to stick a bloody pad to your mouth to catch hold of all the blood or be constantly spitting out clots. And eww... eat sambal via your vagina??!! Spicy danger! wahahhaha...

Met Lionel, Candy, kengli, Pimp etc at break. Stupid Lionel wants to wage war by teasing me with Pimp. Shit him. He mouthed this sick horny kissy lip thingee. I flashed my middle finger at him (Lionel calls this an innate reflex cause it happens spontaneously, rapid and is a predictable response to a stimulus). Lionel - this is war man. *evil laughter* Punch your face. Pull your hair. Coconut haired care bear.

After work:
I went home to bathe and head out again for dinner with Kelvin (my best male bud). Laughs always come easily for me with him around. His girlfriend declined the invitation to join us but gave him a love bite - a kind of signal for me to keep my paws of her man. WTH... wahhahaha...as if i would ever consider Kelvin. Ewww... He's too much of a brother to me. And besides.. he likes petite sluts. I'm not. She'd better not read this. Ah well, who cares... Bite me. Hahaha..

We went to chinatown to eat. Ordered chicken noodles and soup at a famous stall there. He paid. Whoppie. Free meal. Wahahha.. The stall owner was damn good looking - really, i'm not joking. Swooon swooon... Tall, slim built.. and get this...specs...(yeah, i have a thing for specs)!! Swoon swoon. The main reason i finished my food was because the handsome guy prepared my meal... and it was free.. heehee.. I think guys with specs look really good. Kelvin said he wanted to get specs too (so he could correct his shortsightedness). I told him to put a dustbin over his face. It'll be the only time he'll look good. That BENG =)

We headed off to spy on prostitutes loitering near the area. Not very much to see, so we went to Pearl Center to try our luck. We ploughed every level. And giggled every step off the way. All we saw were fat, old or ugly ones hanging around the door, except for a sweet young thing with a newspaper. We reckoned she probably has VD or would continue to read the papers while providing her 'service'.

Kelvin said aloud "Here got old folks' home ah?", when we passed by a shopfront headed by 2 super old ladies. At first, they beckoned him, trying to pose as sexily as possible perched on the little stools. Then they gave me the evil eye and whispered in hushed tones when i came into view. That bastard forced me to walk the whole shopping center with him. And the love bite on his neck.. i guess people thought i was responsible for that. I had to constantly remind him to flip up his collar to hide that sick mark. Wahahhaa...

In the MRT, i bumped into Aini (sweet young thing also) and made fun of Kelvin. He's like Moonie.. never gets angry and joins in the fun. Maybe i'll ask him to join me at my class BBQ =) He's one heck of a joker.

So ends my comically fuelled day. Hope there's many more to come.

It helps ease the pain after settling my credit card bills. Wahahha...

EVERYDAY HEROS

Today was a good day in the ward.. except for the part where we were practically starving and watching the clock for lunch time to arrive... and the ever prevalent topic of the attention seeking PIG.

Made friends with more children =) They're a real cute bunch. My cubicle has a few sad cases though. One has hydrocephalus (an enlargement of the head due to the excessive accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid). This little boy's braving the odds everyday. He presents with all the significant clinical manifestations of what the condition brings (ie. sunsetting eyes, abnormally large head circumference). He's barely 4 months old. Treatment includes tapping of the fluid every few days and he's fed via an orogastric tube. He used to have a VP shunt to drain the excessive CSF (from the ventricle of the brain to the peritoneum cavity), but that was removed because it was suspected to be the source of infection due to a persistant fever. Remember that whatever the treatment, this child can never be cured. Treatment is symptomatic - it only alleviates the discomfort. There is no known cure for hydrocephalus.

Another child in the same room has a tracheostomy in situ. Imagine breathing through a hole in your throat. He lies in bed sedated all day and has to have supplementary oxygen. Secretions aplenty, every little breath he takes every effort his frail body can muster. Add a history of epilepsy and asthma... you get the bleak picture.

Neither can speak. Neither can move very much. Both are hooked up to machines to monitor their vital signs. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Paed nursing is definately not for me. I can't imagine myself working in that kind of environment for long. It's simply depressing. Even with the bright smiles and tiny grasps of little hands, i'd very much prefer the older crowd. Simply because i feel that the life has come full circle. At least they've had the chance to live. These little ones have barely started theirs. But avoidance doesn't mean its not there... i know.

I've never been hospitalized. Never even had chicken pox - and i sure hope it stays that way. Bt some are not that lucky. So i'm thankful for my life. I have more then i need, while others struggle with every heartbeat.

So, reflect when you begin to complain. Never take life for granted. And if you're contemplating suicide or think that your life sucks... Look at the people fighting with courage for their life.

I call them my everyday HEROs.

MAGIQMIRROR PART II

I read in Fara & Moonie's blog that they would like to be travelling partners and go to each other's dream destinations. They're as siamese as siamese twins can be.

And for all it's worth, for the record... i too would like to state my dream locale.

Looking back at all the events that have led me to where i am now... i would like to think that my dream destination would be HOME. For that's where it all starts and where it would hopefully end. I'm like a salmon, i swim all my life to another place, but come back to square one to lay my eggs (in this case, plant my roots) and die. For whenever i leave home, yeah, after the initial novelty fades, i can't seem to stop myself from feeling hopelessly homesick.

Home's where my family is..
Where i can keep in contact with good friends..
Where i can seek solace in my familar surroundings..
Where my pillow beckons..
Where i hide my stash of rainy day funds (yup, like an old ah ma with her loot tin-only mine's pitifully bare)..
Where i can crash onto bed and watch tv all day..
Where i can call my own..
Where i don't have to share..
Where i collect all my junk (shoes, bags!!) ..
Where i can sob, wail and cry without shame and be undoubtly just myself..

So the world can flip itself over, and i still wouldn't give a damn. No ice-capped mountains, no rustic counrty views. Not even gadgetland.

Home is.. just home. My own.

As Ernie once sang...

I Don't Want To Live On The MoonWritten by Jeff Moss 1978 Festival Attractions, Inc. (ASCAP)

sung by Ernie (Jim Henson)

Well, I'd like to visit the moon On a rocket ship high in the air

Yes, I'd like to visit the moon

But I don't think I'd like to live there

Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above

I would miss all the places and people I love

So although I might like it for one afternoon

I don't want to live on the moon

I'd like to travel under the sea

I could meet all the fish everywhere

Yes, I'd travel under the sea

But I don't think I'd like to live there

I might stay for a day there if I had my wish

But there's not much to do when your friends are all fish

And an oyster and clam aren't real family

So I don't want to live in the sea

I'd like to visit the jungle, hear the lions roar

Go back in time and meet a dinosaur

There's so many strange places I'd like to be

But none of them permanently

So if I should visit the moon

Well, I'll dance on a moonbeam and then I will make a wish on a star

And I'll wish I was home once again

Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above

I would miss all the places and people I love

So although I may go I'll be coming home soon

'Cause I don't want to live on the moon

No, I don't want to live on the moon

Transcribed by sharib@merle.acns.nwu.edu

I love Jim Henson. Always have and always will

Your legacy continues to charm the hearts of children and the young at heart

Rest in peace my dear friend. Rest in peace.

Today was a relatively uneventful day. My 1st day of my paeds attachment at a well known local hospital. I couldn't sleep the the night before so i went there really stoned tired.

The ward was super humid. And our friend, the Pig (moon's love bite lover), had accented the ward with a distinct aroma. As usual, he brought drama with his relentless 'i-already-knew-that' attitude. And the only reason why he does is because he fucking retained into our level. Face it. Reality bites.

We basically drifted aimlessly from 7am, then finally went for lunch at 12pm-1pm. I nearly fainted from extreme hypoglycemia. Please... i need to eat. Preferably by 10am! The children were quite enjoyable. I made friends with some of them. Pity i won't be able to see them again (FYI, they are to be discharged later in the day, not pass away, ok!!)

Lunch was good =) Bumped into lots of friends in the canteen. Together, we attended a briefing by the lecturers and hospital staff. My school uses the same biowarfare everywhere. They BORE people to death. Many just ended up sleeping or sms-ing through the briefing.

Lionel lightened the day with his jokes, though i am unable to reiterate due to the sensitive nature of his chosen topics. Wahaha... i can tell you mine though.
1.The Pig came with a red mark over his neck, so i casually remarked, 'Aiye moonie, why you give your bf lovebite so big one?'.
2. I asked Zul why he put curlers onto his fringe the night before (refering to the perfectly coiffered C shaped fringe)
3. I shared my chocolate marashmellow (oh gawd, it was estacy!) with moonie. I ate the chocolate, she got to smell it =)

Wahahaa... damn funny. Damn lame. So me. And yes, Lionel will be Lionel.

Friday began with the usual fight against the sandman. He wanted me to continue my slumber (preferably to be unconscious forever), but i had better things to do. I needed to do my research on abortion for the debate.

I dropped by Orchard on my way to run some errands.
1. Get my birkies from an online seller (I got my birk's for $70)
2. Exchange my defective Gio tees (Good customer service i say)

It ended up berserk. I only noticed i forgot to bring my ATM card when i arrived at orchard mrt. How the hell was i going to pay for the Birkies?? Penniless, i tried calling for help. No help came. Ross stuck in traffic. Other friends i could think of didn't have enough. My bro? That one worst lor. So, with no one to make the alternative fund transfer and no pin to withdraw money from my credit cards(blardy useless in cases like these), i decided to go to the nearest POSB to make a new ATM card. Couldn't send the poor girl back without her money right? 1 catch though, i only had my photocopy IC with me (besides my school pass and others). Thankfully, the bank accepted my identity and reissued me with a new (with enhanced features) ATM debit card. Real stylo looking thing i tell you =)

I gave the girl her money and a little extra for the trouble (taxi fare back) cause i felt really bad. So in the end, my online discount saved me zilch. Wahaha.. (mf, cb, knn etc)

The Briefing Part I
And as usual, i arrived late for the debate briefing. This time i made an improvement. Only late by 1/2hr. Luckily Mr Lian was late too.

I found the discussion on the topic(Abortion should not be legalized in Singapore) really interesting. We were assigned roles and asked to speak from the perspective of our roles. It made me really more aware and better able to reflect on the different emotions that could manifest in that given situation.

Like i said before,
the world is never fully black or white. It's in shades of grey until you can convince yourself which extreme it tapers more to

It went like this:
A lady(Farhana) is pregnant with her first child. Her doctor(Mr Lian) has just diagnosed her child with a congenital disorder and the likelihood of survival is slim. The pregnancy has progressed into the second trimester and the mother has made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. Her husband(Halim) is strongly against the idea.

A female activist (Fara) is brought in to share her views, with all the rest and states their case in front of the government (me).

**********************************

The estranged mother was the 1st to voice her views. She spoke of the difficulty in choosing the abortion. However, she felt that it would be in the best interest of the child that the pregnancy be terminated (Reduced quality of life, cost of healthcare, psychological stress ôn her, child and family etc). Her soft voice echoed across the walls. I could almost feel her pain when she spoke.

Halim asked her : What gives you the right to abort the child? And went on giving us the nitty gritty details of fetal abortion etc

Farhana answered : I would not want to see my child suffer. Stating the emotional trauma would be far greater after the birth of the child as the child would have had a deeper bond with the mother.

The doctor reinforced Farhana's views, stating he would do what was in the best interest of the client (at this point, the Mother). He stated that with all stress verbalized by the mother, any further progress of the pregnancy, would be detrimental to the mental and emotional health of the mother. And with the advancement of modern medicine, abortions have fewer risks.

Mr Lian spoke with such conviction, he had me really believing he was a doctor.Wahaha..

Halim shot : Wouldn't the same advancement in medicine then, have the possibility to save the child?

Rebuttal : Regrettably, medicine has not been able to cure all diseases. In this case, with the child's survival rate tiered so low, he would do everything in his power to safeguard the interest of his client.

Mother's Health Vs Child's Health

Next came the view of the father. He voiced that since he too was involved in the conception proccess, he should have the authority to object to the abortion. He spoke on the sanctity of life -regardless of the health status. Life is precious. He also said that there would be a possibilty of the child to survive, given the advancement in medical technology.

Sanctity Of Life - Quality Vs Quantity

Mr Lian shot : Halim, does that mean that you are willing to sacrifice the mental and emotional wellbeing of your wife? Someone that is currently suffering in front of your eyes for only possibilities of the baby's survival?

Rebuttal : Yes! (I go hmmmm...)

Next came the views of the female activist, Fara. She spoke that pro-choice doesnt equate to pro-abortion. It simply highlights the right of the individual to make decisions over her own body. The fetus is living with the support from the woman's body. If the woman chooses not to continue to allow the fetus to remain in her body, she can exercise the right to remove it.

Halim shot : (not much lah... cause we all think he has a soft spot for Fara)

My turn. As the government, my stance is to continue to make abortion illegal (as majority of the country has oppossed its legalization. The taxpayers do not want their tax dollars to be pumped into healthcare subsidies like this, so being the government, i have to make them happy - else they'll kick me out). I brought up my policies:
1. Contraception
2. Education
3. Alternatives to abortions -
(i) Adoption Facilities (for every abortion, there are 10 families who want a child)there have also been many cases of families adopting very sick children
(ii) Support Groups and Psychological assessments
For families to network and provide support (ie. emotional, physical) and to allow the family and mother to actually decide if they will be able to handle the situation after the birth of the child
iii) Financial Help for families
Grants, subsidized hospital bills etc

Mr Lian shot : Wouldn't you just drive the mother to back alley abortion?

Rebuttal : The government is on withholding any of the mothers' rights. She can make the choice to leave the country and abort overseas. When you live under your parents' roof, you obey them, similarly, you have to abide by the law of the nation.

Mr Lian again : Then how about the mother?! You are forcing her to care for a child that may not be wanted.

Rebuttal : (i was desperate already) Lastly, the Government will take on the responsibilty to care for the child should the parent relinquish their rights.

Mr Lian : The government would? Really?

Rebuttal : Yes. If that is what the people have decided, that is what the government will give.

Halim to Farhana : What are your views towards the government's package?

Farhana : You leave me with no choice. It seems that i have no other choice but to leave the country to abort the baby. It's added stress

Rebuttal : The government is in no way stopping you to do what you wish. Your passport and documents will not be frozen. Again, i stress that you wil be free to have your abortion overseas, but not locally.

So ends our discussion on abortion.

Went to Mac to eat dinner. Lousy food.

Halim and Fara drama continues...wahahha (private joke)

The Briefing Part II

Then we made our way to the next debrief - Ang Moh Potato (external lecturer for our debate).We had a new member. Real externally stylized guy. I never asked for his name, mainly because it would be easier to just call him by a nickname(Ang Moh Potato Jr) as i would forget it anyway. He spoke with such a slang and kept restyling his hair. Wah lao. We were asked to form into teams to start the debate. Wah lao again... impromtu man.

The chosen topic - Capital Punishment

Halim + Fara + Moonie = Preposition
Edwin + Me + Ang Moh Potato(AMP) junior = Opposition

During the discussion, AMP Jr kept citing that he had done this topic before. He gave examples on american legislations etc. Mainly everything pertaining to the US. So much so, i just had to ask him, "Are you local?"

AMP Jr "Yeah" (avoids eye contact)

I had to press on...wahahha.. "Then have you ever been schooled overseas??"

AMP Jr, "No, never. I'm local" (now shifts uncomfortably in seat and maintains avoidance of eye contact). I found the drama extremely amusing.

I felt there was tension between Edwin (they call him Norbita) and AMP Jr. Both insisted on the strengths of their points. I decided to be neutral and just take a backseat. Edwin kept bringing in random ancedotes. Without any explaination he was only being clear (or so he thought) to himself. And AMP Jr kept going on and on about america. And throughout the debate, both were hissing and bitching so much i got so irritated it erased whatever smile had creased over my saggy face.

I would like to continue on with the nitty gritty details of what went on but frankly, i'm too tired of the drama. What went on, if you really my must know, was that... i learnt some important lessons.

1. Support from your peers are important (Cheers to the opposing team for the encouragement..even though they tried very hard to drag me down =) )

2. Some people are downright irritating.

3. People DO think i'm stupid cause someone commented on my rebuttal being "intellectual"

(i never knew i was stupid..wahahha)

4. I need to brush up on my general knowledge

So ends the debate saga for the week. Be sure to tune in the week after next for more.

Its finally over. And like every ending, its bittersweet.

The start of the day was a mad rush. As usual, the mrt was jam packed with sweaty people trying to get to work on time. I hate public transport i tell you... just hate it. I was literally plastered against the doors. I must have molested the man standing against me, a fat woman (who must have defective tactile receptors) in turn, rubbed me with her stupid handbag AND the people at the door probably had the "gonna-miss-my-fucking-stop-o-phobia. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

So i had to revise my bio squished against the door in the train on my way to school. It was difficult to read the blardy notes with it being less then 3cm away from my face. Dammit, i tell you. Dammit. The 2nd part of the journey proved much smoother after wiggling out of the CBD. At least i managed to snag a freaking seat. Still dammit.

In school, the exam went relatively ok. I did the essay questions on the Peritoneum Membrane and Hypothalamus. The MCQ section fared less well.. hahaa.. about 10 qns came out from the chapter that i simply threw out the window (i hate the sensory pathways). Wahaha. Dammit comes to mind again =)

I had to leave the hall halfway through the paper to pee. My raised hand caught the attention of Moonie's idol - Dr LooLoo (the other Loo, Loogamuthy was outside doing a good job cleaning up). Walking down the aisle towards me, his lips curled up into a smirk. I was 'what the heck. i must have a booger on my face'. When i asked to be excused, he asked me to stay in my seat and walked away, saying he would ask a female lecturer to accompany me. Then he turned back and gestured me to follow him. Again, i was 'erm...hmmm'. I finally got to the toilet. My bladder was ready to explode.

And FYI, i check(all) my papers 3Xs. It's over now, and i'm moving on =)

Moonie finally got her wish after the paper. Ha! Well, what did you know.... Dr Loo was behind us, escorting the papers to the office! I could almost see Moonie flipping a somersault and barring her tits. Ok, i exaggerate. You should have seen her face - she was glowing like some biohazard substance. And when we took the same lift with him, met the guys (Boon, Pisang Hitam and Mannequin) on the next level = Rocking Happening!! We had a good laugh =) Boon has a killer humour; a fusion of shamelessness and wit! Wahaha... but if you dare aim me, i'll give you a slow death. Stare stare stare.

We finally met up with my other classmates for makan with our mentor. He's like an MP. You never see them until just prior to election. Or in his case, our mentor meets us once every 6months. He makes the effort to shake everyone's hands at the gathering but he never remembers our names. Maybe except Bak Quah and Brian's.

Our mentor whacked Boon with a lethal one today. Wahaha.. YEN. Whoa. Even Boon was speechless. Then we carried on the mood with poking fun of mannequin and his penguin. Heeheheee.. I had a good laugh.

Gazing around the room, the reality sinks in. This is the last day i'll see my classmates all together for the semester. This marks the end of Yr 2, Sem 2. I'm seriously beginning to enjoy the eclectic mix of characters in my class. Even made peace with people i kinda gave up speaking to. Amazing. And now, i can even share a snigger with Asyik (i told him to go skin and grow a thick beard). Amazing.

You must be thinking i'd be tearing. Heck no. I have another year to make a complete fool of myself, just as i always =)

2 more papers, i tell myself.
Fact - Tomorrow's one massive paper.
Lots of facts to know, lots of details to remember.
Palpitation.
Shallow breaths.
Throbbing headache.
Just 2 more papers.
Only 2 left.
2 is a small number.
My days are numbered.
Less then 14hrs to go.
Then my body will go through the same bashing again on wed night.
Cause Bio's on Thur.
Bio.
Dammit.
I hope i can refrain from scribbling expletives on the paper.
Maybe.
For now, i'm worrying over tomorrow.
Med-surg.
Tomorrow.
Can 1 lecturer go insane and leak out the questions?!
1 is a good number.
And that's a good idea.
Tammy...! Do some good this time.
Go make yourself famous again.
And for this, i will be deeply appreciative.
F-A-I-N-T