LIFE LESSONS

Sharon Lee’s granny is dangerously ill. Her days are spent in a hospice, accompanied by on and off visits by the medical team and relatives.

We all understand that these are her last days.

Death comes to us all.

With the fiscal year drawing to a close, it is the busiest time for Sharon’s company and there is tons of work for her to finish. My dear friend has been keeping busy with working the nights online (just to keep in line with the time difference in the US) to rectify drafts, proposals and program glitches; juggling the needs of her work and the responsibility she feels towards her granny.

She shuttles between the hospice and home, taking whatever opportunity to spend a little time to make her granny feel loved. In turn, she manages only about 3-4hrs of sleep, so much so, it’s taking a toll on her own health.

The fragility of life is not selective. Even young children are not spared.

Today, Ross informed me that little 2 year old Ryan has been struck with Kawasaki’s disease.

Kawasaki’s Disease :
First described by Tomisaku Kawasaki in 1967, it is a rare illness that involves the inflammation of the blood vessels, mucus membranes, lymph nodes and the heart.

If treatment is sought in the early stages, the child may be able to make a full recovery. However, 10-15% of the children still manifest complications and can succumb to cardiac arrest or ruptured aneurysms (developed in the acute stages of disease) later on in life.

Signs & Symptoms include :
- Prolonged, persistent fever (at least 5 days) often unresponsive to antibiotics
- Changes in extremities (ie. Erythema, desquamation, edema)
- Bilateral Conjunctivitis
- Cervical Lymphadenopathy (usually unilateral)
- Changes in the oral cavity (ie. Strawberry tongue, bleeding)

I’m begging anybody and everybody reading this to SEND YOUR CHILD TO A PAEDATRICIAN IMMEDIATELY if you notice these signs. A simple GP/family doctor simply will not suffice.

You need to march down to a specialist.

In the conservative Asian culture, death and illness is often dealt in a hush-hush manner. Most of the time, it is considered taboo and avoided at all costs. It definitely isn’t easily to encourage accepting the last days or recognizing disease when the negative connotations have been so deeply entrenched in our Asian values.

In truth, we are all afraid of dying.

I guess there is never a brave front in the aspect of death. Suddenly, faced with our own humanity, the people that surround us become more difficult to pull away from. We start to feel the aches that morph into pain as our bodies shut down. And we may even start to reminisce about days of yonder and the deeds that have come to past.

The past haunts the present.

We fail to acknowledge the fact that the moment we enter this world, we are aware that the counter starts ticking. This life is never permanent.

We will all die someday.

Though some people die more easily then others. More often then not, it is in the end days that we remember our Maker. The premise of eternal life in an alternate location is often perhaps the only thing we can hold onto.

As strange as it sounds, I do not hanker after immortality. This notion of eternal life does not appeal to me. I find my heaven in everyday moments. The time I spend with my family, the time I share with my friends, the love that is abound suffices.

What good is there without trial and tribulation? It has been this life that has allowed me to recognize the goodness within the people in my life. And it is these people that have given me the strength to carry on.

I’m thankful for everything that has happened to make me what I am today. If I’m still young, I’d like to have the courage to battle illness. Should I be elderly, and settled much of my responsibilities, I’d like to have the courage to let go and die with dignity. I cannot imagine myself hooked up to a ventilator. I believe it would be psychologically too painful and financially too stressful for the people that matter most.

Hopefully, I’d be able to complete my tasks and leave no room for regrets. I’d like my last days to be joyous, where people celebrate the life that is having its curtain drawn to closure. It will be a moment where I can say to Him that I’m ready to move onto a different level, where ever and whatever it may be.

I want to donate every organ available for use, to offer others a chance to live. This shell should have some use even in death. It would be great to know that a part of me lives on, no matter what.

In the genes of my children, and past on for generations after. Perhaps they’d even inherit a little of my traits? Or in a stranger so he or she buys some time to live life as I have?

No one dies without leaving a mark. Without a doubt, their memory lives on forever.

This post is dedicated to everyone that I’ve crossed paths with. We may not know it, but each impacts my life in more ways then one. Time can dilute the intensity of the loss, but it will never erase the moments that we’ve shared.

And i'm rooting for Granny Lee and little Ryan.

I see the strength and courage aglow in their faces.

[ My everyday hereos ]

You're Not Alone - SAOSIN

It's just like him

To wander off in the evergreen park

Slowly searching

For any sign of the ones he used to love

He says he's got nothing left to live for

(He says he's got nothing left)

And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone

There's more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

She's just like him

Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies shes been fed

Shes searching for no one

(but herself)

Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy

That she is here

And this time I think you'll know

You're not alone

There is more to this I know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

You're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

(There is more to know)

We're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

(So tell me)

You're not alone

There is more to this i know

You can make it out

You will live to tell

x2

You're not alone

You're not, you're not alone

****************

Some songs just get lodged in your head.

This is one of those songs.

LONG LIVE SAOSIN!!

WARNING SIGNS II

In my previous post, I spoke that people should have warning signs labeled prominently on their foreheads. And if the world revolved as I pleased, perhaps it would have saved my friends a little tears and heartache.

[ Suicidal Precaution ]

Rm 5 committed suicide this morning. Much to the dismay of Mokie.

The poor lass took it quite badly. Engulfed with grief, she chided herself for and allowing him to be discharged. She told him he could stay if he wanted. But Uncle remained adament on being discharged.

She sat there, wiping the tears that could no longer be contained.

It’s seriously not your fault sweetie. You did all you could. You guys highlighted his suicidal thoughts and put him on SC monitoring. You all put your heart into his care. I’m so proud of you guys for being able to feel such emotions. It just proves that you care enough for your patients. Allow yourself to grief. It’s a process that you need to recognize and go through.

F4 will be here for you. You’ll not be alone.

He crossed paths with you for a reason. Don’t let his death be in vain. Learn and remember him. He was a sad man. The care you guys provided offered him enough solace to keep him alive.

“ Can you tell me how he died? No. I’ll tell you how he lived..”

It’s always difficult to go through such things. But such things are a part of reality. Sometimes, we manage to intervene in time. And sometimes, no matter what we do, we can never change the end result.

And when someone has their hearts set on dying, it requires more to correct that.

In our line, we come across many destitutes, neglected by the general public. The economy is booming. An increasing number of people are getting the opportunity for higher education. More people are buying homes. We’re breeding millionaires by the hundreds. We’re even sipping $7/cup coffee.

And yet the world is turning a blind eye to the plight of the people that is left behind. Are monetary handouts sufficient? Where should our real priorities lie?

Perhaps it will be easy to blame the government. Others. Or even ourselves. But blame is useless. It doesn’t have the power to modify the inevitable. Only taking the effort to recognize all these and converting it into action makes a positive change.

Everyone has the power to start. No matter how insignificant it may seem. A little chat, a show of concern, a simple greeting or smile every morning has the power to make miracles happen.

Sometimes, we’re all more capable then we imagine.

On a lighter note, F4 bundled with Leni and Ana had a great time today. It’s good to have a close knit bunch to pour out those pent up feelings.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAT -TWICK...!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

You know how much we love you =)

Warning Signs

People should come with warning labels, stuck prominently onto the forehead.

Then at least the whole world will be justly notified.

The warning should also include a diagram and be color coded, in Braille and even an auditory function, just to cover the entire living population. For tree huggers, an alternative solar powered one will be available.

There should be laws to enforce mandatory display of such warnings. And hefty fines for flouters and those who display the inappropriate signs. Everyone will have a bag of signs to carry around. I bet my fat ass it will make the world a much better place.

With such clear warnings, it would be near impossible for people to misinterpret each other.

It will be the death of mixed signals.

Some examples include :

“I’m so not in the mood” Warning
Obviously suited for those in the mood, this sign will provide a clear and definite signal to people so they can be quick to avoid the owner. It’s a reliable substitute for the retro “Palm in the face” aka “Talk to my hand” Technique.

“I’m lying through my teeth” Warning
Worthy for any unrepentant liar. Availabel in a cheeky "Truth Twister" for the language enhanced and a politically (in)correct version for politicians and G. Bush.

“I honestly love you” Warning
For love struck doves. Also comes with a “Really Really, so psycho in love” attachment and blinking heart add-ons for wannabe stalkers and admirers.

“Born without EQ” Warning
A must for all rude and irritating specimens roaming the earth. Comes complete with a plastic shield in front to block spit, among other rubbish that may be hurled at the owner.

“Caution : Menses” Warning
For all to behold, a requirement by law to invoke adherence just before, during menses or at any time hormonal imbalance may be suspected. Applicable to both male and female. Cause we ALL understand and have experienced men having equal or worse episodes to rival any self respecting woman shedding their womb lining.

“Emo” Warning
A generalized warning for bouts of crying and acute loss of emotional control.

And lastly, an “I’m not interested in you like that” Warning
Eligible for everyone whom has experienced the pain of unrequited love.

PS – the “Love me back or I will die” warning should be banned at all cost, as that constitutes emotional blackmail.

However, it will pay to take note that the abovementioned list is not exhaustive. There will always be a place for "Gold Digger", "Cheap Slut", "Super ACT Cute" etc.

The Apple Of Your Eye

I have my preceptor back =)

But we also have Fats with us on our shift.

Some dirt on Fats :
She always complains about her massive frame. And searches the net (uneventfully), for some miracle slimming pill that will *poof* all her adipose tissue away. I tell you, she's blardy lazy. She never goes to buy her own food. How can one ever expect to lose weight if they don't even want to walk to the source?!

She expects everyone who’s anyone, to buy it for her. Even to the extent of telling you what particular part of the chicken she wants for the chicken rice. What drink she wants you to buy. And to queue up at the teller to help her (the Queen fat ass) top up her damned prepaid card.

I draw the line at buying food. Nothing more. No way in blue hell will I ever help you to top up your freaking prepaid card. She should just get a subscribed line like normal adults.

Today, she shared with us how the ambulance medic flirts with her...! Thus, instigating her to keep her distance away from this married man. My imagination just went into overdrive as she divulged the details of the saucy deeds.

Somehow it just didn’t quite match up. However, she said it with such conviction, I found myself questioning her sanity.

For gawd’s sake woman! (Slaps forehead) Your uniform looks as though it’s tightly stretched over a durian. I can see the cellulite bumps even over the cloth. Not forgetting the spotty skin riddled with eczema. Which man in their right mind will go ga-ga over that?!

Ok, maybe I underestimate you.

Maybe he prefers alternative chubby girls with equally huge egos. Or maybe i just admire your overly inflated self esteem.

Being self delusional can sometimes lead to bliss.

Fats goes on to tell me about her illicit affair with some guy and how she will not break up with her current beau. Haiyoh, the DRAMA.

Have I acquired an Aunt Agony face?!

Good grief.

On a lighter (pun fully intended) note, Angelica danced today! She’s so cute. Leni says she’s contacted my ‘shake leg’ syndrome. Angelica vibrates her lower limbs with such ferocity; I worry about her dislocating her joints.

And yes, the Gary Saga continues.

Engulfed by the blazing heat, I went around serving my afternoon meds. As I was checking and dishing out the meds, Room 38’s relatives decided to have a short conversation with me.

Nobody bothers to read the “do not disturb” warning emblazoned on my vest.

Then I noticed someone or something standing beside me. No prizes for guessing who or what is was. Yup. It was Gary. That lame bastard must have wanted to scare me because I tend to make Gogi jump (it’s a secret skill that Kristabel has inherited).

Karma chameleon.

Too bad. It didn’t work.

He showed off a bag of apples and asked me if I wanted one.

Free? Of course!

Gary : Aiye, you want an apple?
Me : Of course!

Me : You buy apples for what?
Gary : I just wanted to see if they were crunchy.

He proceeds to hand me one.

Me : Aiye, you very kiam siap leh. One only ah?! Like that how to give Kristabel?!

Gary : Ok lah, good things should come in pairs. I give you 2.

This is perhaps the first time we’ve had a conversation at a safe, audible level.

Then I plopped down to Krissy’s side to drag her to break. Fate of all fates! We bumped into Gary. I pointed to her excitedly, asking him to grab the chance to say hi to Kristabel. That man got the idea and waved excitedly, saying, “Hi Kris.”

Our poor girl was dumbfounded and just continued to wash her hands, making Gary shout louder.

HI KRIS!

She looks at me. I look at her. And we both burst out laughing.

Beyond control.

He calls you Kris? Wah.. So close liao lor! Hahahaa.. (claps hands)

PS – Gary, if you ever get the chance to read this, Kris(tabel) ate the apple with such relish. You should have seen her contented smirk.

By the way, the freaking apple was so blardy crunchy, I wondered if I would lose my teeth. Lucky for mankind, my genes are elite (pukes), thus, I was able to win the battle over the apple too.

Unable to sleep the night before, afraid that I might oversleep, I trotted lazily back to the ward this morning. For the first time in a long while, I managed to stride in. Unlike my usual sprint, where my legs are fighting against the sand of time (insert irritating Days of Our Lives theme song) to rush in before they draw the dreaded red line that demarcates being late.

Hur hur hur.

It was good to see Angelica again. She’s been moved to Room 39. I could have sworn her eyes widened when she saw me. Breaking into a smile, she quickly went on to complain about being hungry and how the other nurses have been ‘bullying’ her. Hahahaa.. She still clings on like a marsupial upon transfer.

I had to readjust my bearings to all the new patients. A few were readmitted during my absence. And the rest were new acquaintances I had to familiarize myself to. As usual, Monday mornings are busy. With changes. Transfers. Dressings.

I did three dressings today. A simple PICC and 2 massive ones. 1 of which was the size of a personal pan pizza. "Hey Boss, you want some pizza?" (me to my preceptor) Yes, the damn sacral wound was that huge. It used the vacuum method so I re-learnt something.

Another consisted of 14 separate wounds on 1 patient. Some of which were deep craters, cleverly exposing the tendons and bone beneath. It even came with purulent exudates that were frolicking merrily in the ‘wells’. It took me and my preceptor (simultaneously doing the dressing) 1 ½ hrs to complete.

Shit massive.

I don’t understand how people can allow the wounds to get so bad. If osteomyelitis doesn’t kill you, septicemia will. Given the patient’s current health condition and their underlying co-morbidities, the only thing we can do at this stage is to prolong the chances of the patient actually hitting the jackpot.

Room 22’s very cute. He read my name tag and called me “Sharon”. I corrected him and he just said, “Aiyah, my engerlish not very good.” But I told him the meaning of my name anyway.

And he ended up asking for me most of the morning.
Pressing the call bell just to tell me he peed.

Haiyoh.

Room 38’s family was also very funny. Her son insisted on giving me a packet of curry noodles. He practically stuffed the packet in my arms. So, without much of a choice, I had to accept.

And I only saw him for less then 30 min.

Room 21 had his physiotherapy today. I gave him a shout-out and thumbs up combo. And the feisty old fella mirrored me. Hahaha.

My morning flew by with all the NG feeds, bathing, dressings and whatnots.

My ward mates were happy to see me back. So was I. Sophia cried and jumped in jest to see me back. Indra gave me the eyeball. Phyu Phyu still asked me whether I was going to be transferred. Hahaha. And the sisters each came to me to tell me I was naughty.

What gives?!

I only wished that F4 was complete. Only Kristabel was around in the afternoon. Mokie had IT training. Snoopy was on a well deserved break.

And yes, the Gary saga blazes on.

In the morning, he shouted at me in the hallway again.

Gary : Good morning!
Me : Gooooood morning!
Gary : How are you?!
Me : Good!
Gary : Goood!
Me : Gooooooooood!!!

Aunt Gogi : Wah, Jerry’s your friend ah?

Me : Of course! And he’s GARY, not Jerry lah.
Gogi : Ah.. Hahahahaa.. (sheepishly) Orh… Gary ah.

I even got the opportunity to chat with SN Goh from Research. She said I had lots of energy, and that she enjoyed seeing me interact with the patients. And while we were having our little chit chat, kaypoh Gary decided to come over.

Gary : (To SN Goh) Can you believe she’s (my age)?!
(To me) Aiye.. you really (my age) ah!

Me : Yeah.. why?

Gary : I thought you just passed out wan leh!
Me : Duh. Yeah, I started nursing late mah.

Gary : Your this kind of face (my age) wan ah?!
Me : Then your this kind of face (his age) meh!

Gary : Hah!

Standing beside me, I noticed these :
- He’s tanned.
- He’s got nice shoes. Square toed ones, all black and shiny.
- He’s a neat dresser.
- He’s got beady eyes.
- He’s forever smiling.

Either I look funny or he’s loony. I seriously suspect it's the latter.

He informed me that many people told him he looks younger then he’s age. In turn, I announce that people still ask me for my IC. Ho Ho Ho.

Now beat that Babeh!

TARGET - LOCKED ON

For all those of you that have not been following the recent events in my life. Here’s a brief. Today marks the end of my holidays.

Bleah.

And just before I left the wards, I had lied to my ward mates that I would be transferring out to ward 63. It started out as a joke. A joke that I thought no one would ever believe. But it was made all the more believable when my preceptor joined in.

Why the hell are they so freaking gullible. And of all people, they chose to believe me. Heh. Maybe I can earn big bucks trying to peddle them magic stones? =)

So yeah. They think I’m leaving. Or have already left.

Sophia even cried when she heard the news.
Apparently, she feels we have a ‘connection’. Hmmmmm. Wokay.

As the days passed, the people there decided to get a little nosy and asked Nazeemah about my status. She cleared up the ‘misunderstanding’ STAT (immediately).

I’m going to be so dead cm (come morning).

Us, F4

My AL week! A glorious, whole 9 days of paid leave will soon crash to a sad, tragic end. Like a flower in bloom, alas, such beauty can only be fleeting.

Soon, Monday will overtake, and I will be forced to whisk myself back to the wards to work again. Do I really mind?

Not in the least bit.

Monday will only be a day away from Sharon Lee's return =)

Ross says that I was hibernating like a bear most of the week. Sleeping only at unearthly hours and waking near sunset. I watched DVDs until i felt my cornea sting. A definate hint that it was sufficient for the day.

I tried to limit my outings to the evenings to avoid the ridiculously oven-like weather. But, F4 are daylight folks. So I had to sweat it out for them. Heeheee…

On our first outing, we extended the invitation to the other ward mates. A kind of get-together session to help build bonds between colleagues, in hopes of closer ties that will reduce the back biting and bitching among ourselves. We decided to eat at Sakae Sushi, Marina Square. And yes, as usual, I ate as though I was possessed. We also headed down to the Esplanade to catch up on the latest gossips.

We also queued (10 min) for donuts at Donut Factory. It was my virgin try. On the whole, the donuts were nice, but i seriously would not queue 1-2hrs just for that. When I brought the donuts back home, my brother snapped it up like a ravenous crocodile. 1-2-and its gone! He loved them.

For the 2nd session, it was a private session, exclusive to only the F4 members. So we went to Chinatown because it would be most convenient for Snoopy. So while waiting for her to get off work, F4 minus 1, roamed Chinatown. Whiling our time away by hunting for… yes.. you’ve guessed right!

FOOD!

We had really good mango and pomelo dessert at the shop opposite Mac. At $3.50 a pop, it’s quite exp. But.. yes, it was worth it. Mokie had the peanut dessert. That was good too. Overall, with the air-con and great snacks, they can be sure I’ll return!

When Snoopy arrived, we went to Smith St for more makan. This time round, we loaded ourselves with char kuay teow, BBQ stingray, sambal kang kong, Da Dong’s famous har gao and Ah Balling!!!

Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmo..!!

After that potentially gastric rupturing meal, we went to escape the heat in a nearby Mac. We laughed so loud it made the people there evil eyeball us. Hehheheheee…

Yes. I think know I love us, F4.

They make me want to run back to work =)

I love us =)

Hurry Home Babe

Sharon Lee’s coming back on the 8th. Incidentally, that’s the same day I have to start work. I’ve already started the countdown. I’m rubbing my hands in anticipation to all the presents she’ll return with.

Our relationship’s a bizarre concoction of chemistry and personality traits.

You’ll be surprised to know how sturdy a friendship we’ve built over time. Thus far, our friendship has spanned a strong 14 years. And what those years have brought! Eroding barriers between us, making it possible to exchange sincere views with tart frankness.

I remember her being at every milestone in my life.

We have our fair share of conflicts. At times, I think she’s blardy rude. Sometimes, she’s childish. Sometimes, she’s open and all wise (like Yoda). And sometimes, the tables are reversed. Still, she’s there as an anchor for all my drama, gently pulling (or yanking) me back to reality when the need arises.

For some people, they may never get the opportunity to find such a friend.

Unfortunately, this time round, her visit is related to more somber news. Her granny is sick. So her return was planned at the last minute. She’s not returning with Barji. He’s out stationed in Serbia for 3 weeks, then off to Pittsburg again; translating into the lovers being separated for quite some time. I do hope he gets time some time off after she goes back to Texas.

I want to see her happy.

It’s a nice consolation for my absence.

Charity Case

The President’s Star Charity was broadcast a few days ago on the local network. In it, many local celebrities sang and danced to help raise funds for the less fortunate. Decked out in such splendor, it was easy to overlook the reason for holding the show in the first place.

Until they slot in numerous sob stories between each segment. Each shot was artfully done. Focusing on the tears, turmoil and anguish of each case, all in hopes of milking cash cows nationwide.

You cry lah, I’ll zoom in….

At the end of the show, major sponsors presented their mountains of donations to the President. Each taking the opportunity to shake the President’s hand in front of rolling cameras. An undisputed honor, for all to behold.

The nett result is hypocrisy at its finest.

They shake the hands of those that can afford to give millions, neatly forgetting that the amount is just a tiny speck in their vast fortunes. Incidentally, all donations are tax deductible now aren’t they? We clap and cheer when we see the cash roll in. Yet we forget that money will be filtered off to pay fund raising companies, advertisements and whatever.

And after all the glitz and stardust has settled, we all go about our daily tasks, cleverly omitting the fact that the suffering continues for the less fortunate. That is, until the next show comes along.

Which star lives in modesty to really help the sick?
Which philanthropist gave up his fortune to the suffering?
Which caller opened his home to those in need?

I’m not here to say that these should cease. I understand these companies and donors create jobs for a multitude under their charge. Perhaps, in this day and age, we need to be reminded to help others. And better still if there is the option of wining a condo or car in the final lucky draw.

But please don’t stop donating. You should. Really.

All I know is there should be a better way.

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY

I hope everyone can take the chance to relish the moments that those gap toothed, sweaty, perpetually dirt ridden, wise cracking monsters bless us all with.

And if you have limited contact with children, you ought to change that.