THE JOURNEY BEGINS

So starts my long sabbatical from the wards. It’ll be another good, lengthy 9 days before I step back into the confines of Kusu Island. Till then, I will try my best to stop worrying about the people I have left behind.

On Friday, I received a letter from the family of a former patient. In it, they expressed their thanks towards me (and the ward), for what we had done to make their father’s end days a little easier. Simple words carry such emotion. They also informed that he had passed away on the 16th Sept.

Reading the letter evoked an unbearable pain.

I knew it would come to this. Death comes to us all. Nonetheless, it is difficult to learn that my patients succumb to the same fate.

I can only hope he moved on as painlessly as possible.

It’s funny how close people can become. And stranger still, how their lives can be entwined so complexly with my own.

I wonder if he remembers me.Or when will my own time be.

As the memories flicker through, I’d like to share with you his favorite verse.

*****************************

The Lord is my Shepard.

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me to paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yes, though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

For thou art with me.

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou has prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Thou has anointed my head with oil, and my cup runs over.

Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever.

Psalms 23

I can only hope everyone he loved was by his side when he said goodbye.

I’ll break today’s entry into 3 parts.

Part A -
Today, I had a patient that had a petite mal seizure. While walking him back to bed, he suddenly became unresponsive and his eyeballs started to roll upwards. I managed to lift the heavy dude back to bed with the help of another colleague. After checking all his vital stats, it revealed that he had desaturated and a plunging BP (blood pressure) and HR (heart rate).

Then, I went to inform the doctor to review him. The sexy new Medical Officer reached within minutes. I did the ECG and CE as ordered, while she took the ABG and did the other blood investigations.

By the way, she also revealed her bra with part of her boobies and most part of her lower limbs, with the mini dress and plunging neckline combo. Heng she's quite pretty, so it wasn’t torturous. Imagine if she had cellulite ridden legs or stretch mark boobies. Yeeeeew.

No wonder my patient couldn’t breathe. Wahahhaa..

And the patient was ordered to be transferred to the main building for closer observation. My ward is like that. Being situated in ‘kusu island’, we don’t have the luxury of having a station doctor and it makes it very inconvenient for doctors to come over in time in cases that warrant immediate attention.

We managed to find a bed for the patient in time. But the ward later called back to say that they would not be able to take my patient in as the clerk had already assigned the bed to another patient. My ward sister was pissed and called the clerk to fuck her, and snatch back the bed.

So, for a good part of the morning, I ended up stuck in the room with the seizure guy, then shifted my butt to the nursing station to finish the rest of my changes (work).

When I asked the other doctor to review the need for another patient’s intake/output chart, he dissed me, saying, “It’s over you know. I've already seen the patient. Now is not a good time to ask me. You should have asked me just now.”

FUCKER.

How to ask you when I was in the midst of fluid challenging/taking ECG/cleaning up the shit of the seizure guy?!

And he continued to drone on and on. My patience wore so thin, I could feel it scraping at my bones. Unable to contain myself any longer, I snapped back, ‘Ok! OK! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” My sour face could have made lemons blush.

He got the message.

If he has menses, and such heavy flow, he should have got a pad.

PS – good thing I finished all my work in time as i had so much help from Phyu2. At least i found time to talk with my patients.

Part B -
In the later part of the day, we were all called to congregate for a teaching lesson by Maggie Mee.

A little background of Maggie Mee.. She’s a staff nurse with type A personality. For the uninitiated, that translates into – kan cheong spider complex. Working with her may induce palpitations in her co-workers.

She presented the case, quite poorly, being unable to focus on key aspects of care. This loophole was torn to shreds by some other staff whom deemed it absolutely necessary to take it upon themselves to humiliate her.

Especially the bitch with the chao lao bin (aged face) and pseudo mickey mouse voice. That mickey mouse vocal cords must have come from a corrupt factory in china cause it’s just too damn disgusting for words.

It really wasn’t the amount of questions they threw at her that made me sick to the deepest, darkest, recesses of whatever orifices I possess, but the manner in which they chose to dispense it.

Disgusting.

Low.

Cheap.

Chee Bye.

They all think that they know everything.

My foot.

And even if they did, that was still no reason for such uncivilized behavior. I couldn’t take the drama so I had to walk out because I knew the vulgarities would soon erupt.

I believe no one in my ward has ever witnessed my outbursts. Yet.

If they did that to me, I swear I would have probably lunged at them. Scratched their faces, dug out their eyeballs and ate their hearts. Ok, I exaggerate. More likely, I would have fucked them there and there and instigated a fight.

You want a piece of me?!

Goodness. I’m just so pissed. Angry at the way they chose to treat their colleague.

And angrier at myself, for not standing up for the one being bombed.

Part 3 –
The Gary Saga Continues

I think Gary has some serious hearing deficits. Or at least super bad otitis media (middle ear infection). He seems to be shouting at me all the time.

He was at the adjacent end of the ward when he started to ask me what was my friend’s name. Here is a summary of our conversation.

Gary : What is your friend’s name ah?!
Me : Kristabel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kristabel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kriiiiiiiiiiiiiistaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeel!
Gary : What?!
Me : Kriiiiiiiiiiiiiistaaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeel!
Gary : Aiyo.. why the name so long wan?!
Me : Stylo mah! Stylo name for stylo girl!

Luckily I don’t get the chance to talk to him that much. Else I think my vocal cords would be worn off, and my ears, deaf.

PS – Kristabel, beware… I have Gary’s number ok.

Another day

It was a good day for me today. I bumped into Chicken and Jolene on my walk to work, so we made arrangements to have our break together. Unfortunately, only Jolene (besides me) managed to keep in schedule. Pity Mokie wasn’t able to leave on time. I had wanted to pull her out of the wards for makan so bad.

The Palliative Nurse came to see Room 23 today, and midway through the conversation, my auntie started to cry. I went in and started consoling her, telling her not to cry and be so sad. But the nurse said that it would be a good release for her.

So I just hugged her.

She gripped me so tight I could feel her sorrow course through my veins. She buried her face in my shoulder, sobbing softly in my arms as i embraced her. I felt helpless. So helpless, as i found my own cheeks being warmed with grief.

I can only hope stroking her back while she cried, offered her some redress.

Room 25’s appetite has improved greatly. She actually told me she was hungry and asked for some oats after lunch today. And she managed to finish a whole bowl. A fine feat, considering the tough journey we all went through to up her feeds from ¼ bowl, to ½ share now.

And my uncle in Room 21 cried after telling me his story of not being able to marry the love of his life in his younger days. I sat him out of his room, to allow him greater interaction with people rather then the 4 walls. He said he felt much better after that.

I’m unsure of why emotions were so rife today.

Even the Gary saga raged on.

He passed Gogi his telephone number early in the morning so she could pass it to his alleged admirer. And yes, if you must know, K received it. Wahahhahaaa…

I met Gary in the ward later in the day and traded greetings. Tons of people went to his room to chat. Gogi and the male cleaner kept popping into his room, so much so it was distracting. With the renovation workers, staff and Research people back, the ward seemed bustling with activity.

A far cry from yesterday’s mellow aura.

Even Mokie and K came by to eyeball Eczema Girl whom i thought was around. They managed to walk by Gary's room though. My, my.. what attention he got.

A while later, he stopped by outside Room 38, where I was about to position the uncle for an ECG. It was strange to see him standing in the doorway just as Sophia was about to close the door. Even if he is a SN, and I bet he’s witnessed things like these countless times, he's not part of my ward. And that man just stood there.

Obscuring the sunlight streaming in.

So I asked him how it felt to give his number away. He looked puzzled and questioned if the person was me. He said Aunt Gogi had given him so many names it confused him. Hahahahaa… Relentless, Gogi followed up with the matchmaking service, asking if K had kept his number. I tell you, I was a little disappointed when K showed me the note, a little piece of paper with just his name and number.

Aiyoh, like that how to tackle girls leh?!

Thus, I brought it upon myself to write, “K, I LURVE YOU”. Ok, it would seem a wee bit desperate and stalker material if he had actually done that, but anything would be better then just the plain note right? K just pursed her lips and shook her head while I giggled.

Aunt Gogi says it is rude to throw the number away.

Hence, I reminded K to at least sms poor ol’ Gary an obligatory thanks for his time. I mean, can still be friends right? Gaining is better then losing right? Heeheeheee.. And Gary looked a little sad near the end of the day. So I’m guessing K had not smsed him.

Haiz.

Did the joke really get out of hand?

I think I may need to lock the both of them together in the MO’s room. Or perhaps drug both. Maybe even a bit of both. Hehehhehee…

Everyone says I’m naughty. Wrong. I’m mischievous.

PS – We launched Trendcare this week. And it’s shitty cause it eats into the time I spend with my patients.

(ALMOST) PAY DAY

Today was a day bustling with activity.

For a start, I was scheduled to work from 9am-6pm because Lao Lao wanted me to attend a seminar chaired by a visiting expert from 3.15pm. I presume the word ‘expert’ here is used loosely. They seem to label any healthcare personnel that visit the hospital grounds an expert.

The talk was super dry and boring. I sat at the back, munching on my curry puff and basicallly instigating all the people who were fasting to hijack my tasty morsels.

Anyway, the morning hours were really hard to pass. Our side had, get this, a grand total of 5 patients. To a total of 4 nurses. That beats ICU down flat man. I was bored out of my wits, so I dragged a couple of patients to bathe and spent 45 glorious minutes on a bilateral foot dressing which was damn disgusting. Every cotton ball I cleansed with, came white and went to the dustbin looking like I dunked it into a cup of milo. YUCKS. I cleaned like a woman possessed, satisfied only when the cotton ball returned in an acceptable manner.

And since I would be going on my annual leave, I decided to spend a little more time with my patients. The lady in room 23 traded hugs with me, a ritual we adhere to almost every day. She’s a funny lady, only taking her nebulizer after I hug her. It makes her happy, so it’s all good.

I sat out room 25 for breakfast. Everyone says I spoil her, giving into her antics and basically babying her. Sometimes when she gets too breathless, she uses hand signals to me, and because I’ve been nursing her for close to 2 months, I can roughly guess what she wants even before she needs to say things (aka pseudo fortune teller). Her appetite is slowly improving with all the love and attention that she’s getting, even though one has to come to terms with the fact that time is running out for her.

She makes me rub this evil looking red liquid on her belly to ease the distention. It evaporates into pungent fumes that burn and sting the mucosal layers of the nose and eyes. EVIL.

But I do it anyway. I’m a sucker for her smile.

I used to coax her relentlessly to finish her Mist Carminative. Until the night my preceptor and i tried it. We spit the damn thing out the moment it touched our tongues. It tastes like some freakish fish sauce and flour combo. DISGUSTING. So i promised myself never to inflict her the same torture again.

Indra loves to disturb her. You should witness it yourself. It’s just damn funny. One time, Mel shook her bed and we all ran around the room shouting earthquake!!! That old lady just creaked open her lids a fraction of an inch and waved us away.

So anticlimax. Duh.

Today, when she asked Indra to reduce the volume of the telly, Indra did the exact opposite. She nagged at us while we chuckled uncontrollably beside her.

My preceptor also had to bribe another patient with Prima Deli’s chicken pie so he would consent for blood taking too.

So, as you can imagine, my ward spoils the folks there.

With the low census and the research division out-stationed, the ward is getting a little too quiet for my liking. People like Meng Hwee, Gary, the other SN all take the effort to exchange greetings with the patients out in the walkway, allowing the patients interaction with people apart from the usual green uniform. And yes, the saga between Eczema Girl and Gary is seriously amusing to behold.

Today, Kristabel signaled that my abdomen was expanding. Then she asked if Gary or KC was responsible. I replied, “It was a wild night. It could be either one.” For the record, it was a joke. I cannot be impregnated by air. Unless you can devise a way for sperm to be airborne (flicking sperm through the air just doesn't count), I refute the advances made by this topic. Wahahhaha..

I nearly banged head on into Gary today. It was a weird conversation.

Gary : Hey! How are you?!
Me : Good! And how about you!!
Gary : EXCELLENT!!
Me : OK!!
Gary : OK!!

Yes, we were shouting at the top of our voices in the hall. Don’t ask me why. I was just mirroring his behavior.

On the second meeting, I stood by the gates, waiting for my brother (whom was damn freaking-pull-hair-from-roots late) to pick me up for our monthly supermarket spree together. Gary was walking with his female colleague into the compound. Waving, another conversation ensued.

Gary : Aiye! You morning shift ah?
Me : 9-6 lor.. damn sheong ah!
Gary : You waiting here for what?
Me : (About to answer but gets interrupted)
Gary : Waiting for me ah?! Hahaha.. (he still has the cheek to laugh)

*This is where his female colleague’s eyeballs go amok*

Me : I’m waiting for my brother lah. Duh.Why are you back?
Gary : Getting my stuff. See you!
Me : Bye!

And yes, we were shouting again. I think either one of us has a serious hearing deficit.

The security guard must have had a field day with the drama, watching all this in the safety of his guard house in front of the gate.

REEL LIFE

I like movies because it sucks me into another world, partnered with music playing in the background, bringing emotions to a crescendo. An alternate reality, where I can witness others make mistakes and see the consequences clearly surface.

You’ll always know how the ending goes.

I can fast forward.

I can rewind.
I can mute sound.
I can brighten up.

I can dull.

I can freeze frame.

And the best thing is that the bombs don’t hurt.

I wield an insane power to switch off the damn telly, should I get sick of things. And the ability to store the images clearly in a hardisk.

Unlike my own reality, in which nothing is what it seems. And twists in the plot are abound with every movement I make. How profoundly true the saying of “events are always clearer to the uninvolved”. Sometimes I feel like slapping myself on the forehead when I do things that make it seem that I had allowed my brain to take a vacation. To mars. On a camel. And a rubber one to boot.

If I had my way, I’d like my life to mimic that of a Korean movie. The actors always have such glowing looking skin, silky hair and nice colorful clothes. Korean men in the movies are toooooooooo die for. Well, maybe not to that extent. But yeah.. some of them just looooooook gooooooood *drools*. Exactly what I like!

And even if the characters don’t look all that great, at the very least, they have an enigmatic presence which draws you to continue watching.

Juxtapose that to real life. KC To. Celluilite not celluliod babeh.

I’d like my life movie to have an earth shattering love affair like Millionaire’s First Love, minus the sad ending. And I’d pray the male lead looks like the one in Seducing Mr Perfect (Daniel Henny!!! Btw, he's the amazingly delicious creature in the pic above). I’d like to possess the spunk of the female lead in S Diary and Perfect Couple combined. I’d like to have the opportunity to travel back in time like Operation Makeover and have a dog like Hearty Paws. Throw in some occasional drama of those around me like the buddies in Cheaters. And to top that off, I’d like my own soundtrack to be a mixture of all the music I love.

In all it’s Technicolor splendor Full HD.

LOVE

Psst......... Allow me to share with you a little secret. I’m falling in love.

And yes, I’m falling in love with my ward.

It’s been a heck of a ride these past few months. Adapting to the new ward environment and taking on the responsibilities of being a staff nurse, almost playing gawd to the patients under my charge.

But first, I would like to share with you a little about the people that have helped make life so joyous.

F4
This seriously cracks me up.

The moniker was coined up one fine day by an otherwise bored Zihui. She decided to christen the 4 newbies in the ward this because we were all talking about drama serials. And she said that this term seemed so apt for us.

Apparently, I’m Dao Ming Si – the leader.
Kristabel is Hua Ze Lei – the act cool one.
Zihui is Vaness – the ang moh.
And of course, Snoopy is Ken – the happy-go-lucky one.

I doubt many others would actually bother to remember the characters in the Meteor Garden series. But, you get my drift.

They’ve helped my transition into the wards to be a wonderful experience.

All my makan sessions with Kristabel and the gang have helped ease away the stress of a busy work day. And joking about Lao Lao and Ah Chow, never ceases to stretch my occularis oris sideways.

Incidentally, my waistline also seems to be stretching sideways.

My Preceptor
At first, she seemed to be cold and strict. Slowly, she’s becoming one of the few people that I’m beginning to learn to trust. She’s helped to guide me into the steam of things that follow in the wards. From patient education to pulling my weight with the doctors.

Often, she allows me the freedom to do as I please, bestowing a kind of trust that is, at the same time both flattering and exhilarating.

She makes me call the doctors who play the game of Tai-Chi, settle the hiccups that may occur, chides me when she feels I can do things better. At the same time, she understands my needs, allows me to get away with murder, and stands up for me when needed.

In short, she looks after me. Very well.

My Patients
I love them to bits. All the silly things that we do together, I’m really lucky to have met these people.

I’ve had to opportunity to mend broken family ties, been kissed a few times and traded hugs with many of them whom has crossed paths with me.

Their ‘thumb-ups’, sincere smiles, spontaneous laughter and little pats on the back soothe away whatever resentment I brew within. And even when patience thins and deadlines beckon, they never fail to make me realize why I am here in the first place.

Maybe that’s just why I get so pissed when I see them simply not having the care they deserve.

Yes, Assoc Prof Angelica, your decision to discharge Rm 40 is invalid. (inside joke)

The People
The ward staff is an eclectic mix of people from all walks of life. From the haughty, to the blardy damn weird, the beautiful to the hardworking, the downright freaking lazy slobs to the background wallpaper people.

Each has their own little place in the wards.

Where else can you get such drama outside Caldacott Hill in little ol’ Singapore?

The Men
Yes, this category of adds spice.

By this, I’m specially pointing out :
- The cleaner(s) – whom I swear I never said were cute
- KC – which Kristabel insists is my lover
- Gary – whom I blatantly blast is HER lover, and is by the way, loving admired by the other cleaner and particularly voluptuous staff

But I think I’ll keep this topic under wraps for now =)

And dedicate an ENTIRE entry on their antics! RA i tell you!!

INNER BEAUTY

When men say it’s not the outside, but the inside that matters. They’re not lying. They’re just stretching the truth.

Allow me to explain. Yes, through the years of evolution, the men have finally figured it out. The face of a woman makes up just part of the sales package.

It’s the underwear that does the preservation of the insides.
By this, I can’t help but mean – explicitly – the bits that should jiggle, bounce and entice nice, straight men.

Likewise, I can’t agree more. I also have this fascination; an obsessive compulsion for great underwear. In no way is this, a fetish or am I perverse, I just turn into hunting mode when need be.

Good bras help make average boobies look kick-ass and offer comfortable support. Helping boobies globally fight the evil pull of gravity. Lest we all end up looking like Lao Lao before hitting 60.

Boobies should never end at the waist.

Good panties possess Harry Potter powers of invisibility under skirts/pants/jeans and don’t peek over the waistbands of our low-waist-ed counterparts. There’s absolutely only one thing more disgusting then exhibitory undergarments.

And that is UGLY, DIRTY, MOTH BITTEN exhibitory undergarments.

I follow these simple rules :

Granny undies should be burned.
Do you really want your granny’s undies to be waaaay fergilious then yours?

You should never buy second hand undies – now that’s just blardy unhygienic.

Always get nice undies –

You never know when you’ll be sent to a hospital. Really. And you never know if the doctor/nurse/medic is going to be cute.

I just love nice underwear to bits. I think they’re the sexiest item of clothing anyone can own. And the style speaks volumes about the wearer’s personality, both the visible and otherwise.

I have the power to wear anything I want to on the inside.

I buy underwear in all colors and styles. All cuts and finishes. In lace and microfibre. From cotton to satin. I love them all!

Seamless! Sport Supports! French Lace! Embroidery! Lycra! Ribbons! Whatever!

Recently, in a desperate (and equally lame) attempt to return to their roots in nursing, the hospital decided to revamp their current uniform style and color. From the original distinct and hardy (color) to the boring and mundane white.

I had to chuck my current rainbow bright colored undies for a range of muted tones, in case they decide to scream beneath the layers. And yes, my ever expanding butt is not food - I do not wish for it to look like a leg of ham forcefully tied up in string.

I swear I will never repeat bringing Mashi Maro to the wards on my butt again.

As usual, I have gained weight through the past months. What used to be a very loose, oversized uniform, has transformed into something rather fitted. But, I can only brainwash myself into thinking that my hot water rinses are responsible for shrinking the uniform. I just need to accept the fact that my blossoming womanly curves can no longer be contained.

Utter Rubbish.

I’m just getting fatter. Nabeh. *bangs head*

So yes, in case you’re wondering, Kristabel and I managed to get some new underwear from the John Little sale at Expo Hall 4. The Pierre Cardin Young Hearts (yes, indeed, they’re not only meant for just the young in age) range was damn cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. At $10/set, what better steal can there be elsewhere?! Bras were from 2 for $5 to max $30/pc.

A steal I say! Gimme gimme gimme MORE…

We even saw some bras so big a singular cup could pass off as an N95 or fill enough water to feed hundreds. Thousands. The Entire World. Which also reminded me of Chicken’s 80cents humungous granny underpants from Chinatown still rotting at my place. Hehehheheee..

And panties in all cuts and patterns, ranged from $5-$10/pc. I bought mine for $15.90/3pcs. And what made it even cooler was the fact that the cashier didn’t scan them in. So, in the end, I got them for free.

WAHAHAHAHA… I’m in undie heaven.

In case you catch me swaggering down the halls with a smirk plastered across my face, you can bet your ass I’m wearing something POWERFUL and something that could possibly burn into memory.

Or maybe just stark, raving mad with a panty pulled overhead