Sent

Life weaves in people to enrich our experiences. Some characters pique interest through their flamboyant antics, some bring utmost joy, while others bring lessons of an ache that words can ever translate.

A lesson nonetheless.

We all harbor secret letters in our hearts that we lack the courage to send. A piece that documents the sorrow, the pain, the anguish of it all. Either it’s because I’ve come to believe that words are better left unsaid in my own cowardice ways; or simply because maybe, just maybe, it’s better for the people involved to let go.

Reasoning fails me here, so I'm refusing to die with the regret of not sending mine out.

So here's mine.

No expectations, no regret.

One of my very most fave songs of all time given a fantastic twist by the extremely talented Jason Mraz =)

Some day we'll find it
the rainbow connection
the lovers, the dreamers
and me

Dear Jim Henson would have been so proud if he was still alive to hear this rendition. But good news for all Muppet fans..!! There will be another Muppet movie scheduled for release this year...!! YAAAYYYYY.... I'm so excited...!!

Check it out!

Now I just have to beg Sharon Lee to help me source for Waldorf and Statler dolls =)




I'll leave you with a supercalifragalisticexpialidosious cover of the legendary Bohemian Rhapsody by none other then the hodge podge of Muppets.

It's mayhem!!

Zero Hero

Some days are particularly rough. This was one of those days. With the incessant ranting of demented patients, non stop call bells and visitors that demand updates, it is days like these that cause the frustration factor to tip beyond boiling point.

I almost lost it with a patient. Her repeatedly unreasonable, attention seeking advances were simply too much to bear. It was an extreme feat to hold back my anger and I really had to have someone else take over. I was given the green light to restrain her but there wasn’t a need. It was just her blardy mouth that could not stop screaming. Other patients added to the drama by complaining and quarreling with her, making the ward sound worse then a fish market. One patient in the opposite room even threatened to pour water on her again. Yes, might i stress - AGAIN. It was THAT bad.

But anger is something that doesn’t go away despite you losing it.

And yet, at the end of my shitty shift, my loving colleagues handed me birthday gifts that they had put together secretly.

Tears.

It's not about the gifts. Though I'd like to add that the presents are damn cool. It's the love behind the deed that really warms me. I didn't even get them anything for their birthdays. Whacks head.

Good Lord, how do I leave them now?

You see, I had handed in my request to transfer to another department because I feel really stressed posted here. It’s so bad that I’ve even been in tears when trodden with the massive shit load of non stop work and non gratitude from the very patients I serve. To have a visitors eyeball me with suspicion or contempt hurts really bad.

They don't acknowledge the fact that I have to stay back beyond normal working hours to settle the outstanding orders and countless other side duties that management has decided should be distributed amongst staff.

Who bears witness to the battles that occur with every minute at work?

I understand that the cumulative stressors from disease and psychosocial factors add to both the patient and visitor’s anxiety but to have them lash out on me is something I still find very hard to stomach.

Especially when I give each patient my utmost each and every day.

I bathe you.
Feed you.
Comb your hair.
Change your diapers.
Ensure you take your medication even though you spit at me.
I still have to take your bloods despite you scratching me because the Doctors need to review your blood levels.

I carry out the neccessary evils brought about by modern medicine not because I want to hurt you, but because I want to help you get better.

Who else will do it if I don’t?

I take care of you even though you and your visitor complain and nitpick.
I may not carry a huge grin every single minute because some days suck bad.
But I always try to smile when I catch your gaze.

I work even when I'm sick.
I'm at work even when I have my own pressing family issues.

I’m human. And like you, I’m not perfect.

I really think being a nurse in Singapore is really difficult. But working in this ward is absolutely crazy shit psychotic on some days. I’d return my 2nd Service medal in a blink if I could moderate the level of nonsense I’m put through.

I’m praying for strength and thanking God. He’s put mighty warriors in this battle beside me. And for that, I should be grateful. I love my colleagues! Without them, I would die. Or probably (insert most evil suggestion here).

But I too would like some peace and worklife balance.

The Queen of Spades

I was desperately sourcing for a bag organizer for quite some time before I got my grubby little fingers on this cheery, nautical baby with irregular red and cream stripes from Kate Spade. What got me smitten was actually the service tag, which reads 'have courage'. It's something I hold close to my heart...

Best of all, it's free! Weeeeeeeeeee......!!

This is supposed to be a large cosmetic pouch but I figured it would do nicely as my bag organizer because I seriously misplace my things whenever I change my bags!

It comes in 2 sizes, with this being the larger. Being greedy, I decided upon this since it could fit nicely into most of my bags. Though after a while, I realized that it's actually quite bulky so I'm using this as an underwear bag when I travel. Hahaha..

So, it's back to sourcing for my bag organizer and losing my stuff all over again!

My Best Friend-in-Law

I cried my eyeballs out receiving Sharon Lee’s email. It, most fortunately, carried one of the best, best, berry best news this entire year. And what flowed from these coin slot eyes were a river of happiness.

Bliss.

Nestled within the email was news of her ROM along with pictures of the happy couple surrounded by their friends. Though I wasn’t able to attend their ROM ceremony per say; I was, well almost with her most step of the way.

I wept like a mother giving away her daughter. Blardy Hell.

We had shared the moment of when and how Berj proposed, the RING (yes, the one ring to rule them all) and thankfully she was kind enough to censor out the moments thereafter.

Studying the pictures like a PhD student, I soaked in the blissful couple’s happiness captured on celluloid. With the wind in her tousled hair, her (very slutty) little navy dress and a shower of baby blue geraniums, she took my breath away.

Doesn’t time fly?

Once upon a time, like a child hankering after a parent’s love, I was initially quite resistant towards Sharon Lee’s romance. A part of me was happy for her to start a new relationship given her slew of ang moh’s in a foreign land. Yet, there was another part of me that felt threatened by this intrusion into our life that could possibly rob me of her attention. Childish and defensive me got even more riled up when I first met Berj because he called her fat.

I so wanted to punch his face.

But time wore on and bore witness to his steadfast love towards my best friend. I saw how hard he fought to be with her. She loved him, but nothing can take away the memories that we have forged. Together. And I too, softened to accept this man that would be lovingly holding her hands in times of need. He’s proven that he's able to see her through tough times and as a result, they’ve come out stronger as a couple.

Heck, even Ross acknowledges the fact that we are both extremely hard headed women whom are a challenge to live with.

Ross, watch your mouth ah..

So I’m no longer the jealous brat of yesteryear. I’m going to love Berj because he’s my best friend-in-law. And come December, I’ll have a chance to ridicule him! It’s something I can’t wait!! Hohoho..

Faded Glory

I’ve survived more then a year in my current posting of a shit-hole disguised as a ward. Can you believe it’s been a whole year? Now, it’s only another three (blardy long and painful) years before I can march into the DN’s office and throw my resignation letter on her desk.

That is, if I ever wanted to.
I would be able to yield THAT power in MY hands.
-insert deep throat evil laughter-

Alas, that is still a distant dream and for now, I can only bow my head in unbridled slavery before such a day blooms with the power of emancipation.

Reality sucks doesn’t it?

I’m not here to complain about the banalities of the job. I think the web is already oversaturated with that. Rather, I’m here trying to convince myself there has to be more to life then this. To be fair, this ward has been a Petri dish of opportunities that has allowed me to garner some accolades alongside its fair share of knowledge. Through the daily battles in the ward, I’ve experienced peaks that raise the bar through unparalleled camaraderie; yet concurrently made to endure dips that threaten to shove me out of nursing for good.

There are days when I feel so sick of it all; I give off sparks at the slightest provocation. Crash. Boom. Bang. Other times, I find myself voluntarily swallowing shit by the bucket loads.

And a quietly simmering ache that questions the need to face each day like this overflows.

Pragmatic me reasons that I need the job.
Altruistic me preaches on the opportunity to serve others.
Needy me revels in the sense of satisfaction that pours forth with reciprocated gratitude.

And yet the inner sadist just wants to slap all the fuckers till their cheeks explode. And maybe grab a spoon to dig out all the eyeballs of the bastards that roll their eyes so often.

I think I’ve come to the realization that although the world can think you work with passion and all that bullshit, you may one day wake to find that the work no longer unlocks joy.

Like a misplaced piece in an otherwise completed jigsaw puzzle.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll have the courage to walk away from it all.

2ne1 - Ugly

Love the cinematography and song but the lip synching really is damn sickening. Looks like someone dubbed them..! Wahahahaaa..


Girl's Generation - Run Devil Run

Ultimate fave song!! The chorus is the catchiest thing ever!!
You better run run run ~~


I'm aching to go Korea!! Aren't you?