I like the notion that nothing is as what they seem. The years has since erased the rose tinted glasses in which i had previously choosen to view the world through. Yes, the years have been unforgiving. Only because life needs to be cruel to be kind.

Reality check.

Most will like to come across as a socially acceptable persona. So much so, we dress to the nines, speak in lingo and try our utmost to blend in.

But we fail to acknowledge the fact that life is simply not a stencil. Everyone's different. And no matter how normal an image we try to project, everyone's life is warped into some sort of drama. For some, the drama is good - like an entertaining serial. And for others, it's like the twilight zone.

Reality check.

Do you seriously know who or what your friends are actually like? Your neighbours? Some of us can't even understand our own parents. And as lame as it sounds, most of us don't even know what or who they themselves are.

Another of life's little ironies.

Although i'm getting older, i'm just getting more confused.

I'd like to write but the words fail me.

I'd like to scream but only silence escapes.

I'd like to close my eyes, but that doesn't stop the visions.

I'd like to shut out the world, but i still hear your voice.

So, so clearly.

Unfinished Business

"Talk is cheap. So so cheap" Fara's words continue to ring in my ears.

My eyelids flicker, and a stir of emotions rage within. The spark ignites.

And so unfolds the trail of starting something small. Hopefully creating increased awareness and sucking others who will give a damn about the people who are less fortunate then ourselves.

I'm planning to forgo my wedding dinner funds and honeymoon (if i ever get married) and use the money to do volunteer service with my better half. I find no happiness in sharing my special day just sitting there and eating with people whom i haven't spoken to in a long time, in dainty frocks, inch thick makeup and high heeled satin shoes.

I want to spend that money wisely and hopefully, anchor my life with my partner. He has to see me with dirt on my hands, the sea of perspiration running down my back and the goofy smile stretched across my face when i sit back and admire my hard work after a long day.

But that marriage can wait. Now, i have other agendas. Like how to make the most of my current situation and start doing something.

I'm surrounded by caring people.
People who want to make a change.
People who bother about the needs and livelihood of others.
Simple donations are a start, but they are simply insufficient.

And a blaze of ideas are worthless without being put into action.

Frankly, i have no idea how to start anything. And i know precious time is ticking away. With the wasted days, the wasted time, it translates into someone, somewhere, going hungry and wringling in continued pain.

I've decided to start today.

Seriously. And i'm going to super thick skinned and ask everyone i meet to join. So much so, i forsee myself morphing into everyone's worst unwavering insurance agent.

"what the hell is WONG with you??" pun fully intended.

The abovementioned entry is dedicated to a little woman with a terribly big heart, Fara.

Every man's dream woman. Hohoho..

The week is finally near its end. And what a lively week it has been =)

Part 1 :
I caught Forbidden City with Zul and Lydia on wednesday. It is a really good musical. I loved the storyline. A tragic tale of a woman, with unreciprocated love and a life of overall sadness. Witnessing not only her one true love leave for the arms of other women, how she lost her son to the trapping of human lust and how she lived a life misunderstood.

The lovely voice of the lead role - played by Celine Rosa Tan (Kit Chan was absent), the colourful sets and costumes, the wonderful score and music!

Not forgetting, the drama from neighbouring squirmish secondary school students and the evil stares of the old fogeys.

Hahaa.. it will be a day to remember!

Part 2 :
I finished 2 presentations this week. A mad rush of last minute filming, impromtu acting and teamwork at its best.

It worked out beyond expectation.

And no amount of jealousy could have dampened our spirit =)

I realized (or rather, strengthened my views) the following gifts my friends possesed -

1. Fara does great slides
2. Moonie can recite texts from memory
3. Shidah is gifted with her hands
4. Suli is a great leader
5. Jil can compromise and works well under pressure
6. Zul IS a great presenter
7. Lionel can lie his way through everything

In short - my group ROCKS!

And even though some people pass off negative comments, it is apparent that the problem only lies with that particular person. Not anyone else. And as you wag your tongue and shoot off evil stares, bear in mind that others are doing the same to you.

Karma. Even though your name's not Earl.

We've finally finished filming all the scenes for our project. Phew. And now it's time to consolidate the info and brace for the presentation on thursday.

Then move on for our Psychology presentation on Self Destruction on friday.

It'll be another maranthon day for Fara, Zul and me tomorrow because we have debate. Another day from 9am-1opm. I do hope debate finishes early tomorrow. It's hard to drag myself out of bed early in the morning.

A typical case of sleep drunkedness.

I still have to prepare for my practical assessment and theory paper next week.

So you can see.... i'm really burdened with work. So much so, this has aggravated my randomness to new heights. And Fara's licking up every minute of it. Even Sharon (from debate) is joining in the fun.

Just look at what you get when you put Fara and I together :

We see guy with weird hair walk past.
We remember guy passed comments about us the other time.
We attack guy's weird hair again.
We then make fun of the Ben & Jerry's logo on his bag - stating that we like to eat that too. However we do state that we "don't dig the hair".
We follow up my selectively editing the song "My Humps" (a much maligned song) to "My hair".
This is followed up by random hip hop gestures and wanabe shakes.
The rest follows suit (or just laughs, trying to disassociate themselves).

I think i may require medication. No. I think i DO need medication. Period.

Air VIVA FUNCTION CHECK

Assessment :

Ensure set comes with

(i) ORO airways
(size 0-4, with 0 being the smallest and 4 the largest)

Measurement of Oro Airway -
1. Mid Incisor -> Angle of Jaw
2. Corner of mouth -> Tragus of Ear

Complications -
1. Oro Airway should only be used for the unconscious. May stimulate gag reflex/laryngospasms in the conscious
2. Trauma related to inappropriate insertion techniques. Ensure lips, tongue are not caught between teeth and Oro Airway
3. Possibility of Complete Airway Obstruction if :
- Airway is too long : presses epiglottis against entrance of larynx
- Inappropriate positioning : pushes tongue posteriorly

(ii) O2 Tubing
(iii) Test Lung

- Ensure all components of air viva are in good working order. (No rips, tears etc)


Perform Function Check

1. Intake Valve
- Compress Ventilation Bag -> occlude neck opening on Pt's end -> release Ventilation Bag
- Rationale : Rapid re-expansion = Patency of Intake Valve

- Occlude neck opeing -> compress Ventilation Bag
- Rationale : Resistance = Nil backward leakage of Intake Valve

2. Patient Valve
- Attach Patient Valve + Vent Bag (Ensure CLICK sound is heard)
- Connect Reservior Bag to Patient Valve
- Pump Vent Bag -> observing opening & closing of Lip Membrane
- Rationale : Filling of Vent Bag = entry of Inspired Air to patient

- Deflate Reservior Bag (while still connected to Patient Valve)
- Rationale : Flipping of External Disc Membrane = expired air is able to be released into atmosphere and not back into Vent Bag

3. O2 Nipple
- Detach Reservoir Bag from Patient Valve
- Compress Vent Bag + Occlude Intake Valve
- Rationale : Slow re-expansion = Patency of O2 nipple

4. Reservior Valve
- Fill Reservior Bag with ambient air (via step 2)
- Attach filled Reservoir Bag to Reservior Valve
- Depress Reservior Bag
- Rationale : Deflation of Reservoir Bag + Flipping of Outlet Membrane = Excess air is released into atmosphere

- With Reservoir Bag flat, compress Ventilation Bag
- Rationale : Flipping of Inlet Membrane allows atmospheric air to enter Air Viva in case of insufficient O2 (gas exchange)

Attach O2 Tubing to Air Viva and connect to Peak Flow Meter
Turn O2 to 15L/min
Observe for inflation of Reservoir Bag
Attach appropriate sized Patient Mask
- Measure by : Bridge of Nose -> Mid Chin

Hook onto Patient and ventilate as required.

I'm quite taken with Ms Tan Chin Hong - My current skills lecturer.

She's really sweet and patient. Speaking to her the other day, shifted my paradigm of where i would like to specialise in after graduation.

Similar to me, Ms Tan wanted to go into cirtical care right from the start. Deeming it as a natural choice since she was young and still active.

Geron is for nurses who are near retirement. NOT.

It got me thinking, measuring up the times where i nursed the elderly. Playing games, chatting and with them joking with me or holding my hand. I realised that i DID enjoy nursing. Especially with them.

Me + patients = Friends
You should listen to us chatter.
You should listen to me freak them out with mock news.
You should watch their faces cringe when i tell them the nitty gritty details of the operation.
You should hear me laugh when i see them do the lamest things.
And you should watch me slither away when they dump their son/grandson/nephew in front of me. Not that it happens much anyway. Wahahaa...

Ultimately, i would like to be in a position where i can enjoy my job. And where i would be needed.

Though I am well aware of the fact that i may not end up in the department that i may wish for.

It is nice to keep my options open. And my legs closed. Wahaha.

The world wide web is a seriously dangerous thing.
Have you ever tried to google your name? Well, a few people did.
And they happened to be looking for me.

Deep shit.

Chances are, they'll get at least one real connection and make contact.

Scary.

Even i do it all the time.
Googling people that stir up some interest in me.
So if you feel i know a little more about you then some, don't raise an eyebrow.
Cause neither will i.

Hello dirty laundry!

I am an ardent fan of American Idol. Believe me. I try to not miss any single episode. Especially in the early part when the auditions are held. I love the drama, the bad singers, the ego fests!

Pure entertainment.

Alas, our own local version seriously sucks. Check out the MTV where the contestants gyrate and try their utmost to sing to Outkast's Hey Ya.

Pure butchery.

I'm amazed the producers even had the cheek to send in that piece of rubbish.
Cinematography - zero marks.
Singing ability - minus zero marks.
Effort - wasn't even evident.
Not even the odd obligatory eye candy. This feels like a video they'd play in hell.

Just to torture you.

I know for a fact that people in Singapore DO have talent. Perhaps, what we lack is an element of confidence. The confidence to promote our own talent. We may blame our asian upbringing. Although the truth is, we can only blame ourselves.

I applaude the new adverts for the upcoming Project Superstar, where they blatantly coerce people to audition - else the next winner will be an arse who sings as though he/she farts.

I'm left with another bout if strangeness tonight.

Actually, my day started pretty well. I managed to get to my tutorial on time, had a decent showing with my impromtu group presentation, stayed awake in lecture and paid attention in lab.

Then, Fara, Zul and i scooted off to Plaza Sing to wile time away before debate started. Everything seemed fine and dandy, a typical day in my life.

We even had a silly little conversation :

Zul : I play the saxophone ... (something something) .... (someone) comes from a very musical family. Each plays a different instrument.

Cheryl : (enthusiastically) I come from a very musical family too! I play LIPS (starts to strum lips) and my bro plays the ARMPITS (mimics armpit farts)

It started to warp once i got back to school. We met Daddy Lian at Mac. And he voiced displeasure against how Kamala had made life so difficult for us during attachment. He stressed that he was still having a cold war with her.

That just sent the warning bells into overdrive. No prizes for guessing how my life will be under her tutelage. I just have to exercise restraint in my demeanor - unless things get too out of hand, then i'll go direct to the superiors again. But seriously, this drama with the Indian wanabe next top model has to stop. The drama is comming on par with the taiwanese serials.

And off to debate we went. Like pigs to slaughter. wee wee wee

The turnout for debate was unexpectedly encouraging. So much so, we managed to squeeze in a debate practice and even had one extra member in excess to be an adjudicator. Joey wasn't in his usual short sleeved shirt and jeans combo. Instead, he cut quite a dashing profile with his simple black polo tee and khaki pants, teamed with a gleaming pair of black squared toed loafers.

I had to try hard not to stare.

I got assigned to take on the role of the 1st speaker. An 'honour' that i'd frankly never wish myself. A role that seemed to be sticking to me since the encounter with Jose.

Organization is not exactly my forte.

Worst still, Joey chose to POI me, then highlighted some key issues in my address after i finished. Lo and behold, i was made to reorganize and re-present my edited version.

Hello twilight zone.

Nizar was in his usual magnificent glory - i christen him a 'Diety Of Debate'. Fara exuded new found confidence and poise. Bravos to all who attended!

I lost some energy for a simple fact that it's hard to debate about certain topics when they conflict fiercely with my own principles (the topic being, THW legalize animated child pornography, and i was prop).

Joey loaded us with information as he analyzed the on-going clashes. I watched the time tick by, reminded by knowing glances from the others.

Goodbye America's Next Top Model. Hello lonely night rides.

We ended at 10.30pm. Walking to the mrt, Edwin, Joey and i extolled our love for animation. I spoke of my love affair with Wolverine, Rogue and The Incredible Hulk (especially the real life series in the 70s). Joey preferred graphic novels. Edwin, he liked the more recent characters.

The commuters in the mrt at night ooze a totally different aura from that of the day crowd. The night crowd looks harsh and jaded in comparision. And i don't like riding the mrt by myself. It gets really lonely.

I reached home near 12. I'm done for the day.