Remembering Today

I blog because I have an innate wish to remember the significant milestones that I’ve encountered over time in a bid to etch an imprint to my ever failing memory. It's the ultimate etch-a-sketch.

And today could not have presented a better opportunity.

I will remember today as a day that brought forth a powerful lesson in strength. I will pen it down or rather, unleash the flurry of binary codes that will immortalize today's lesson to slap sense into me should I ever be so stupid again. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will not be going on the planned trip to Korea. The trip that saw me fervently planning for the past two years.

Yes, I am in shards.

The sudden news came as a cataclysmic shock to me. Never in a hundred years could I even phantom such drama unfolding. I exploded with anger which brought forth a bitter river of tears and disappointment.

I spent 2 years planning and waiting for next month’s trip. Spent hours clawing the net for info. Compiling my blood, sweat and tears to ink a little jotter book riddled with scribbles detailing where to go, what to eat…

But with heat, even glass shards can be recycled into new glass. I’m thankful to God for the opportunity for me to move on and live. Recalling a conversation I shared with one of my patients today while cleaning up her soiled linen:

I’m so old. I just want to die.

Each day passes even if we’re sad, so why don’t just be happy?

She looks into my eyes and cups my hands.

Aunty, though I can’t understand your pain, seeing you like this makes my heart ache.

We look at each other through watered vision.

Both brought up to rather swallow adversity then allow pride to crumble.

So emo. Bleah.

I can’t explain why I’m particularly drawn to this lady. Perhaps it’s because she doesn’t whine when we stick needles into her. Or perhaps she’s magnetically opposed to the call bell and would rather hold her bladder till it leaks then bother the nurse.

Or maybe it’s because deep down, I hope to have just an ounce of her tenacity.

My drama pales in comparison to the struggles she battle.

I just don't get to go some place. She doesn't get to live.

So even while one door closes, or one person doesn’t treat you how you expect to be treated, or whether events take a turn for the worse, life goes on.

Some people you can live with, and some, you should let go.

Inhale.

Remember the good.

Be grateful for the good times.

Wish them well.

Give thanks.

I will have my dream one day.

Freedom only comes when you allow yourself to set the boulders down.

Excess baggage just makes one hunch.

Exhale.

Move on.

It’s time Cheryl. It’s time.