Deo Volente

Sometimes I tell myself to not be affected by the little shit that pops by every once so often. To not be so self absorbed and to just chill and ride the waves.

I met my friend this evening. Barely a year ago, we were merrily gobbling down Kee Wah pastries on the busy streets of Hong Kong.

Today, that picture took an abrupt turn.

Calling out my name and flashing a megawatt smile, it took me awhile to recognize her. The large cap betrayed the synthetic long black slivers passing off as hair that cascaded down her back. The smile was the same though there was just something unmistakably off in the whole picture.

Like a faded photograph of the person she once was.

Casually, we bantered on about the upcoming bonus and how she was here to see a doctor because she wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t probe but I guess I was visibly uncomfortable if the subject was to manifest itself in all its glory.

What could I do?
What would it change?
And if would do nothing for her, then why start?

As these questions started to mushroom, I did what I do best. I excused myself. Stating work commitments, we exchanged numbers and I left to head back to my ward.

Me, back to my little sheltered bubble and her, well… life goes on for her too. In what ever way her life leads.

I told Ross about my chance encounter and he vocalized his normal extreme logic. You see, Ross is on the side of the spectrum that embraces death. Not in a ‘lets go commit suicide’ kind of way. But more on the coast where, life on this earth is transitory.

This is the same man that will rather live out the rest of his life as a widow should his spouse die because he's damn sure they'll meet again in the promised land.

To him, medication, surgery, etc is all just a gimmick to postpone the inevitable. He thinks that since God has marked our time in this fleeting dimension; he reckons it is better to accept fact then dream on with fiction.

If God wants you to die, then you will. If He wants you to live, you will.

He’d rather forego the agony that treatment may bring and live out his remaining days doing things he can. Although he recognizes the loss of losing someone dear, he insists their passing will allow them to progress.

I, on the other hand, argue on the sanctity of life. I vehemently abhor the people that choose to waste their life away.

All life is precious. And since God has also given us the knowledge to treat multiple diseases with medication, or even sheer will power, we should fight to preserve life.

There must a reason I'm alive.

If I am young and have children to care for, dreams unfinished or situations to change, I probably would fight. And fight hard. Though I would never burden my loved ones with the struggle that I am undergoing. I think its emotional blackmail to impose such pain.

Why spread the burden when the pain doesn’t dilute?

And if I am old and riddled with illness, rather then be confined in a hospital bed, I will embrace my deteriorating body and accept my time is up.

But it’s not like my way is the right and only way. To each, our own. And its being able to recognize what suits you is the best way. We ourselves determine the value of our life.

And I seriously hate people that go on and on, complaining about what type of shitty life they have; what things they want but can’t have and fucking treat people like dogs.

Blind to the fact that people live with far less then what they take for granted.

I’m no scholar in this school of life, but I’m learning.