UNCOMMON SENSE

It takes people a while to realize what they really want in life. And for some, this may never truly happen.

As a child, we often hear our parents tell us that we can be everything we want to be. But as we grow up, we attain this supernatural power to lodge barriers between these dreams. We impose restrictions, think that we will never be what we can and end up in dead pan jobs, never able to see beyond the walls we’ve built up.

When I was younger, I dreamt of being an astronaut. Reveling in the thought of being able to touch the stars and roam the Milky Way. Then I realized that we did not have any resources available locally. Goodbye, NASA. And learnt how to chucked that, going on to dreaming of being an artist.

People always said I was blessed with the ability to draw. I proved them right each time I fused the crisp white paper with the dark smooth, crumbly lead. I had my finished pieces showcased all over the school compound. Then, I learnt that it would prove to difficult to nudge my way into the arts scene because all I could do was draw black and white pictures with my 4B pencil. I gave that up too.

I didn’t think about branching into the tattoo industry because I was too scared then. I thought that it was a line reserved for the often jailed and infrequently civilised.

I could not have been more wrong. Piss shit, i even sport one myself. Wahahaha.

Otherwise, I think I would have been a very good tattoo artist, and may even be starring in Miami Ink now. I'm MUCH better then Yohji. And Ami will look good as arm candy any day. Guffaws.

I went on to dream about being a journalist, enticed by the money that accompanied and reporting stories that would otherwise have remained secrets. Then I developed secrets of my own, and I grew to respect that some things are better left unsaid.

So in the end, there wasn’t much choices left for me. I had chucked so many dreams. The dustbin was overflowing and the options were dwindling.

I dabbled in the service industry, and found out that I actually liked being around people. And I seriously thought of branching further within. But stomachs had to be filled, and I ended up in nursing (kicking and screaming, alongside a hell lot of coaxing and/or brainwashing from family).

No one (except for my family) ever believed I would pull through.

In the initial stages, I went into ITE with a severe abhorrence with the local educational system. The skeletons of secondary school life lingered. However, my perception morphed into genuine interest when I found that what I was learning was actually beneficial to myself. What’s more unbelievable was, for the first time, I was staying awake in classes and enjoying lessons.

I stumbled through each attachment, trying to make the most of every opportunity. I forced myself to open my eyes and view the world like I’d never done before. I still remember clearly having to bathe an elderly lady on my first day in the wards. I wound up staring at her, wide eyed and open mouthed (no sexual innuendos intended). It ended up with her trying to cover up her bits and sorely uncomfortable.

Soon, I found myself being absorbed into a whole different reality. It was there all along, waiting for me to venture in. I heard people share their life stories; I watched the drama that unfolded. I witnessed the politics (that remain rampant to this day) and discovered a change within.

ITE gave me a second chance to attain my diploma. Not many ever thought I could. And I finished the 3 years with a merit.

Even in the course of nursing, I’ve evolved. Previously, I had been hell bent on specializing in critical care. I thought I would relish the fast paced environment. I hungered for the adrenaline rush that resuscitation brought. Then, they posted me to the hematological unit. And I finally came to grips with the knowledge that I will never take death easily.

The ward and staff were very supportive during my final attachment. They even wrote a testimonial for the application of my degree scholarship. So that dream of being in CCU went down the drain as I had my sights on being rooted in blood.

After a 360 degree turn of events, I found out that I would be posted to a unit that I had never been before. My gastric contents churned as they’d never have.

I thought that the pace would be snail slow. That life as I knew would slip into oblivion as I hid, detached from the main building. Away from all the hustle and bustle that I had grown so accustomed to. I thought I would lose all the skills that I had fought so hard to learn. I even renamed it from Sentosa to Kusu Island because it lacked the glamour of the former.

That moniker has since become a term of affection.

It’s been a few weeks in my current ward. I’m posted to the infectious diseases/geron unit, and all I can say now is, it’s been fun. Most of my colleagues are also newly posted there, so you can say we’re a young ward. Everyone is trying to settle in and get used to the routine. I still have a wide array of patients to care for. But most are certified stable before being sent down to us. Still, I have more then enough chances for complex dressings, NGT feeds, oropharyngeal suctioning, setting cannulas, taking blood and loads of diaper changing.

More importantly, I’m happy.

I’m still joking around with my patients. I’m still learning new things. Though it’s too early to say if I’ll remain. The doors at the haem side remain open, and it’s premature to confirm if I’ll ever continue or stop further education.

The cliché states that ‘when one door closes, another opens’. Though I think otherwise. Some doors are open all the time, but the view gets obscured. So it may take a while to find the right one.

One thing’s for sure – stop banging on the wrong door.

Everyone only has one chance in life. Be happy at doing whatever it is you do. Have the courage to venture into unchartered waters, no matter how the odds seem stacked against you. Look to nature to gain strength. Just see how salmon swim upstream, how cacti continue to grow in desserts.

Do what you really enjoy, and not what other people dictate upon you.

**********************

What was your childhood ambition?

I wanted to be a road sweeper.

Why?

Because i like to keep things clean.

(taken from a conversation between Sharon Lee and I)

She's now a manager in an IT firm with 6 subordinates under her charge.
and i'm finally a registered nurse (earning pittance)..

HAHAHAHHAHA

But we're both happy doing what we do