Thus far, anger is an emotion i have tried very hard to curb. A habit that's hard to break. And the week has been filled with much drama.
Too much.
Seriously so.
And when mixed with lethal doses of a nagging deadline, the stress of assesssments, failure, smart-ass comments, relentless long days at school and a lack of sleep... it blows even the minor situations into one of unparalleled holocast.
For one, i'm not particularly proud of the way that i handled the group work with Fad. I had blurted straight up that she had to get down on her hands and knees and take an active stance with the group. Afterall, we only had one and a half freaking days to prepare for the damned presentation. And i've realized that spitting (though not literally) at her in front of everyone else is simply not acceptable.
The only salvaging point is that : she did manage to see the light and come through.
A little.
But more needs to be done. And my groupies did do wonders for the presentation. Even though our work was blatantly discriminated against. I'm apologetic towards my group mates - because it's largely because of the vandetta the Black Witch harbours towards me.
Number two - I screamed the daylights out of myself (until i was dizzy with the lack of oxygen feeding my brain) to the woman who was manhandling her young child in public. Pointing and hurling threats at her to make her stop.
She didn't. Even as she climbed into the back of the cab, pulling a large wad her little girl's hair.
In retropect, i had instead, just mimicked her atrocious behaviour.
Violence begets violence.
What i should have done was to run up and speak to her calmly and hopefully, instill the virtue that things could be done in a different way.
In a manner of civilized calmness.
I'm aware of the pressures a parent faces - i should know, purely because i can reflect on how i used to treat my Dad. And how irritating children can be - same reflection, i was so damn out of hand. But shaking your child, pulling her hair and pushing her into the backseat of a vehicle is simply - damn blardy unacceptable.
There is a difference between discipline and abuse.
But before i bury my face in my hands in self pity. I will not find any excuse for regrets. Simply because i have learnt my lesson in all these.
And having witnessed the drama of battered egos of unreciprocated love, the foul moods of the hungry (yes, i'm mentioning you clearly here) and the continued torments of Lionel (who happened to turn '41' this year! Happy Birthday dude), remembering the young teen who was beaten up at the staircase by a gang a few months ago, among others...
It highlights on the ill effects of letting your emotions get the better of you.
There's a lesson to be learnt here i tell you. An a very valuable one.
I'm reliving the methods i used to manage my anger. Digging out my old cross stitch needles and thread, and engaging in repetitive distraction. Jewelry making. Reading. Blogging even.
All with a good cup of thick, sinfully rich, iced cold milo.
Though i admit there have been highlights to my week - i'm lucky enough to experience Ms Tan Chin Hong's care for her students, my supportive classmates, Joey being in a fab mood and such a gentleman (hohoho), a good week for Sharon Lee after her own mini series of drama, and my family - who's always and forever there.
It's time to allow the storm to pass through and settle into calmness again.
